Sharing Our Innermost Thoughts

I don’t know why I’m like this, sometimes i feel moved by your words, my heart flutters a little bit after hearing how you remember some things I thought you’d forget, I feel thankful when you act like you care despite not knowing whether u actually do or it’s just a mannerism. I feel grateful whenever u do the bare minimum just because I’m used to people forgetting I even exist and treating me poorly. I didn’t know you could love someone you hate but I guess I do? You’ve always been so confusing to me, I’ve been in love before and it wasn’t this toxic so my mind says this isn’t love, but if it’s not then why am i still holding onto you like this? What is it about you i need so much? I don’t understand it, I really don’t at all. There’s no reason for me to feel anything towards you at all but i certainly do feel something. I really hope we don’t end up together tho, because i feel like that’d only be a tragedy. It wouldn’t work out, we bring out the worst in each other, we always argue, we can’t understand each other as much as we’d like to think we do, we still resent each other and have too much hatred in our hearts to love yet we still want to.