I don’t know how to start or don’t know how this actually works. But I desparately just want to talk to someone and hope that they’d just listen without saying anything back. I can’t exactly put into words what I feel but there’s just a lot of things going on. Some of those things don’t even relate to me but yet I get emotionally attached to it.
I just miss my old self who could talk to any random person and just be friendly without having thoughts regarding them being someone whom I can’t trust or who would betray me.
I used to never worry about people leaving because I had come to terms with people leaving but I met a person and I can’t really blame that person for this but somehow it has changed me. Now as I lose so many people in my life I don’t know how to hold on and have become a person that I’d never hang out with. I just want to feel like myself again and just want to be my old self. I can’t seem to let go off the fear of losing people now that I lose even more people. Now I am feared to talk to anyone new or to make new friends as I don’t know whether they might like me or not. I have been so conscious about people liking me or not now that I don’t even like getting out of the room. I prefer staying in and when I go out if any person stares I am scared to make eye contact and check myself if there’s anything wrong with me. I blame myself for things that I am not even a part of. I think of myself as a bad person when I am around a group of people with whom to get along I bent myself so much that I don’t even know who am I with them. How do people really hold on with their personality? Because I just flow and make that people feel so easy with me without losing myself at first but now I just flow in so much that I take the shape that they decide for me and now what I am. I really found a person who’d listen to me be there for me but then realizing how harmful I have become I don’t really want to put the person through something that I know can destroy. Soon I realised that I got diagnosed with PCOS and I thought yes this might be the cause behind how I am feeling. But in the end it’s really tough to just feel loneliness and be scared of it, when I was a person for whom loneliness didn’t matter and somehow I just hope to get back to being who I was or maybe a stronger version of who I was. Or I just grow out of this phase and just learn to be myself even if there are fake and selfish people around me. Or by the least be able to make sense on my own without having to depend on anyone to keep myself safe from people who hurt me.
Its okay. At least you took the courage to take the first step and speak out. At some point we all are living with few personalities inside and the one that we felt original sometimes gets lost. This doesn’t have to be a permanent thing though.We can for sure reconnect with ourselves with just the right mindset and push. It may seem difficult but taking the most difficult first step of changing and stepping out of our current scenario is needed. Just try to reach out slowly and gradually. You don’t have to figure out everything by tomorrow!! And your medical reason does play a part in all this but it doesn’t have to overcome your true personality!! You’re strong, always!! Do share if you wish to talk more.
Thank you so much for this and yes I am still hopeful that I’d find it back!
Absolutely You will. I can guarantee that to you!!
Thank you! I really appreciate your reply!
Sure will do once I am feeling like my old self! I am much more interesting person then than right now
Have a great evening!
Take Care of yourself!! And I’m sure you’re a fun person to be around :)
Thank you! You too take care!
You know we all go through phases that change us regularly. But you can actually become yourself in a easier way. Trusting yourself is the basic. If course there are people from whom we learn a lot if things , they give a good learning to us. Some bad memories also become an experience for lifetime. Seeing how you said everything here, makes you brave. I would suggest just be lesser harsh on yourself. Things will be fine. Life is painful for everyone. But we can surely give some trying to do things better, just hoping for the good won’t change anything. You have to take a stronger step dear !!! Be strong, stay positive 🌸 Things will change someday soon ! 🤍✌️
Thank you so much for your kind message! And yes will try to make it better. Hope you have a great evening!
Take care❤️
Your most welcome, hope it wasn’t much of a lecture :) thanks a lot and You have a great evening too ! Take care 🌸🤍
