Sharing Our Innermost Thoughts

I do not know why its going on with me but ya its happening actually matter is that we are four friends and it has been almost 10 years, so bond is too strong . If anyone out of us gonna to shopping , travelling etc. so we squad go there together even most of the time when I confuse , I go to them and try to figure it out with the help of them but here I can’t go to them actually my friends preparing for the civil services and high services exams . Here they are too intelligent and I’m not or I’m intelligent and they are not nothing like that even we squad are too close with study even our life is going to around the study and love to do hard work for it and this is the main reason we don’t have any other friends circle except our squad because we are similar almost in nature .They are preparing for the high services exams like civil services etc. but I’m preparing for the assistant professor however, our aim is common to serve our services towards our nation and try hard to improve it . I am happy for them and wish to see them in their desire post but at the same point I scare about that after they get their desire post they will change towards me and I’ll feel as a looser in front of them at that point of time so I decided to prepare for the same exams simultaneously with my own preparation because I feel that I can do hard work . It’s not jealousy but can’t tell you what is that? but confuse about it or may be you can say it insecurity. Actually main point is that we are similar in nature but I’m little bit unique among us I do study hard but simultaneously like to scroll on Instagram, making reels on it , chatting with friends on social sites etc. We are same in nature and even objective are same but not in personal life, they three at the one side and I’m on the other side but we are good friends … So Should I go for the same exam just for my insecurities ? but tell you I’m confident that I can prepare for this kind of exams or Should go for my happiness like as a lecturer, serve my service towards nation and live happy with other activities apart from study which I told you above in this para .? again I tell you Guyz its not the jealousy but don’t know what is that?
If you know what is that or understand what I feel about this situation so comment and write your opinion here.