I did not tell my family anything about me. Not because I cannot, it is because I chose not to. I do not trust them. 4 years, from hating for being sad and lonely to enjoying being sad and alone in my room especially in the dark. How wonderful, a space for my own and when it’s dark, I cannot see a thing. Therefore, it felt as if I was living in an infinite space, feeling the strong gravity pulling down as I lied on my bed. It was only at that moment I wish time could stop forever or even better, take me to my novel world and let me discover what it is like to be loved and to fall in love with the main character, show me what it is like to feel free and enjoy everything the world offers, take me to places I could never reach in this real world, teach me what it is like to live without any resentment. Silly wish, but pure.
Okay this doesn’t give too much to work with, but it sounds like you are still somewhat creative. I’m glad that your working on a story, make sure you spend sometime in the light just writing- even better if you go outside now and again to write- if it’s something you enjoy please don’t let depression take it away.
From experience I know it’s a terrible feeling, dreams are nice but they won’t protect you from the dark eating monster that is this disease. Please try and find even a small compromise with reality before it’s too late
-V
Thank you -P
