I decided to break up with my boyfriend 3 days ago because I felt like I lost feelings for him (I’m still unclear) and I didn’t want to perhaps lead him on. I was also pretty dissatisfied with where the relationship was because he had many flaws. He was super dependable, he never prioritized what he needed to do and always did what he wanted to do, rarely had money to spend on our dates so I always had to, is a terrible worker (got fired at two different jobs), lied frequently even though it didn’t hurt anybody (but still made me uncomfortable), and never really gave that much care (in my opinion) when my body felt sick or hurt. whenever we fought, we’re both very stubborn so we stick to believing that we are the right ones and I know I become just as childish as he does when we argue but I wish he could be a man, calm me down, comfort me rather than being just as petty as I was. He did however give me so much love aside from all the flaws, and so much affection. In a sense, it feels like an ignorant, dependable child just showing pure love to you. He treated me kindly and just drove me to places. He would pull up to my house randomly to take me out on a date and I really did love it so much.
Before we started dating, we were the closest friends ever so in the end, I truly do treasure him so much and although this relationship really hurt me a lot, I still really do cherish him so so so much and he’s just extremely important to me. Since we were both such a big part of each others lives, we decided to go back to being friends like we were before but I felt guilty because, in the end, I was the one that broke his heart. He told me though that it was okay and there’s nothing I should be sorry about but asked me for one selfish request. He asked me if he can distance himself from me (all contact, calling, texting, everything) so that he can change all the flaws that I didn’t like about him because he still really loves me so much(I told him all of them throughout our relationship so he knew). He told me that in two months when it’s his birthday, that he’ll take the time to really change himself and improve as a person so when that time comes if he can ask me out again and see the changes that happened to him and that if I have the slightest feelings/interest for him, to give him a second chance to redeem himself. I don’t know whether or not this is a good idea and I really need help because even though I feel like I don’t love him as a boyfriend anymore, I’ve been crying for 3 whole days straight. I’ve been constantly thinking about him, how he’s doing if he’s okay. I’ve been looking at everything he’s given me and rereading letters just crying to myself because I feel so broken and sad. I don’t know what this feeling is (whether I still love him or not) and I just really need someone to talk to.