I broke up with the only person I felt could really understand me. I know my family loves me… but sometimes it feels like they only love the me that they want me to be, instead of who I am. The guy I broke up with wanted me to change me too, and it made me irritated. People always think they know best for you and I just want to make my choices and make mistakes. But he got that, he just didn’t think it was the best thing. It’s like when someone says “you have this different opinion, and that’s cool, but this is mine”. I couldn’t really handle it though, and also I’m really scared of accepting people being nice to me and being attached. Like the first time he tried to hold my hand I just smacked his hand away out of reflex, despite wanting to, I think. It made me feel awful to be like that, and he got really sad because rejection is tough. We dated for 4 months and I finally broke up with him because I thought I must not really love him if I couldn’t accept him. He’s so cool though… I miss him. We talked a weekish after the break and it was more free at first, but then when we got into more serious stuff and he started going on his long advice “you will realize this” I didn’t know how to respond. I wanted to be mature and figure out something to say, to express my feelings but not be like crazy emotional in a way I might regret.
Always be the “you” that you want to be, never let anyone force their ideal version of you onto yourself because who “you” are is what really matters.
I feel you… it’s difficult when you feel no one understands and you cannot really turn to or depend on anyone in times when you need a little handholding… stay strong and even if it’s difficult try finding yourself and everyday fight for it… it can be exhausting but hang in there!
