I believed someone blindly... But she turned to be cheater in the end. I cared her always in every moment and she gave me bundles of pain for which could not come out of it. 🥺🖐😭😭😭😭💔🥀🥀🥀

Healing is like temporary.... But we can't change reality which has already made major damage to our emotions, feelings. How we can divert from all these pains. 

As someone who's going thru something similar, I hear you. I know nothing can make it better, but you deserved better. Sending you healing vibes

3am Thoughts

Usually I am afraid of cats, but today at Himachal bhawan a cute little black cat who was disabled , just came up to me and started cuddling. I was talking to my father when this incident happened. I found myself lovingly patting this black cat. And the idea that I am afraid of cats didn't even occur to me,  And it had such beautiful big eyes. It was such an  innocent creature. I think that's what  love is. You leave all the presumptions aside naturally, and the fear of getting hurt also goes away for a moment. I asked myself, I was afraid of cats isn't it? Then why did this thought didn't come up when that cat sat on my lap and made me feel loved and happy. This doesn't mean I am not scared of cats anymore. But it means that I kind of felt a connection with that particular cat which cannot be explained in words, just could be felt. Even if we don't believe in love, but it could happen anytime without any warning sign. 

Breakup

We are in a casual relationship because we know we cannot marry each other due to some family issues. He tells me everything, but today I saw his google history and he is looking matrimonial sites. When in clicked it, the profile was his roommates. He created a profile stating 'looking for my friend', but he has given his own contact number and no profile pic. Am guessing that he is looking for himself by creating a fake profile with his friends name. Should I ask him about it, I mean I know in future he will marry someone else but he could have told me that he is looking for a bride now right. I know we are in casual but when we share every details of our lives, why don't he share that with me. I don't know what to do.

Boyfriend

How do you feel when someone enters ur life, treats u the way u want to be treated, and leaves ur life without a trace? It wasn't long before you realized they were toxic and playing with your emotions.



Confusion

I feel I'm being used.  :( 
But I can't tell, he's too casual


New day it is!! Aarrghh.. I wish I had the button to switch off the feelings just like I switch off my fan. I feel like she hijacked my brain. Damnn!! Life is tough.

Smoking

depressed

Anxiety

Kuch baate bas Dil hi mai rahne do,
Zubaan se nai unhe ankho se kahne do,
Ishq ko ab hawaao mai bahne do,
Pyar ke haseen dard ko hume bhi toh sahne do,
Kuch toh ehsaas hume bhi hone do,
Mohobbat ke rang mai ab hume bhi khone do,
Kuch khushi aur kuch gum ke aasu hume bhi rone do,
Zubaan se nai lekin ankho se hi sahi ye ishq hume bhi toh thoda sa mehsoos hone do... 



Poetry

I wish dying should be easier but it was difficult but living was far more difficult than that. Things never happen like we want them to be, everything is which seems so easy is actually too complex. Every day just turns out to be a curse although I want it to full me with new hopes but I only got dissappoint and hurt everytime.
 In my part I only got pain and betrayaI from ppl and all this adds more toxic thought in my head , seriously I am too clueless to understand that what I have done to deserve all this, sometimes I just wish that everyone just get disappear or atleast I should ,I wish to never existed.
The anxiety never leaves me alone, I have lost everything there's not a slight hope and positivity left in me that can keep me alive. 
I have forgot to smile and express myself and I have just stopped communicating with ppl .All the toxic thought somehow made me to isolate myself and cut ties from everyone else but still nothing actually changed, the voices inside my head don't stop troubling me it killed me several times and provoke me to harm me myself to the extreme that I started to regret everything. 
 I am so done with life and living with two faced monsters who consider themselves as human. No one care whether I live or die no one even wants me so it's better to rest forever in peace. 

Sharing Our Innermost Thoughts