I am not well. I don’t understand the situation too right now. Am I the only one feeling this way or everyone. I am super angry with being in home right now. My parents are looking matches to me. I had very little expectations after seeing all the matches they are looking. Till date whatever it is regarding education, job everything I have compromised a lot. even if I didn’t like it I thought of like ok let it go may be this is correct one for me. But once I have realized what I have done till now it was all about them and I am not completely happy about the pace I am in now. So I thought at least MARRIAGE has to be done according to my interest. I don’t want to follow them blindly because its me after all who has to stay with the person not them. I didn’t much liked the matches they are bringing me and they are super upset about this. When asked like what are you looking exactly still they will say for 2 days will bring such matches but in reality they were eagerly waiting for me to choose one which they liked more. The process is once my dad gets a pic and bio of a boy he will send it to me to see and then plan b my mother comes to me and bluffs about the boy and his family vigorously so that i will have a good impression and say yes. But actually I was very much fooled by the details she told me about a match i had couple of common friends with boy so when asked it was entirely different from what my mother says. then I have decided I should never believe her words she just want to get rid of me.
Being in home and working from home due to pandemic it has raised much anger in me than ever. I am a person who loves to go out. Obviously I wont have many to visit except cousins so i am not going out. My dad is like daily she will send me profiles and asks me whether I like the guy. Am i some program he can send new data daily and expect an output. I am fucking human and i cant accept everyone I see as my husband. At least they wont give time to process. I don’t understand when the situation covid is at peaks they are still concerned that I am not liking any. I know parents are too anxious and wants children to get settled.
I don’t know why but I definitely don’t want to be like my mother. If a situation happened now for example I brought a pen then she will convey it in ten sentences that I purchased a shop of pens. I hate her man than anyone. I pray to God that even u don’t fulfill my wishes I am okay please don’t make any of her wishes about me come true.
I am already pissed with my office tensions and all so I didn’t get a chance to speak cool with my parents. I have responded angrily to my dad couple of times. So now they are like you never talk to us nicely, you only want your friends. I can/t be pleasing all the time to them even I have my work tensions may be because of that I might have responded angrily.
That doesn’t mean I don’t respect them or something.
Now they are in dilemma why I am not accepting matches so they started seeing some stupid astrologists and whoever looks at kundali and tells fortune. Why to study and get good marks when you can simply do some puja and relax. Does it work that way? I don’t know why they believes every other persons words than mine. So today my dad went to some so called people by travelling around 70kms. Then he called me and asked few questions like do u have mole on hand, face ok these are fine but he is asking me whether a dog has licked me anytime. My neighbor has a dog so obviously when I go near to him, he obviously licks me so is it also related to some serious issues leading to my marriage. That so called person suggested that I should do some puja. He is not the first one to say. Its like seventh or eight one telling. Earlier when they asked me to some rahu ketuvu puja, ok I have done it. Then some other puja in local temple fine I am done with all these. I don’t want to do everything suggested by everyone I am done with all this and now when I told my mom I won’t do anything now she is super annoyed. But I don’t want to do anything now.
Please suggest me to reduce my anger too…!!!