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Anonymous

I am not feeling well. I feel numb, paralyzed. I don’t find pleasure in the things I do anymore. It is frustrating living with this undiagnosed illness that takes control of me all day and all night. My head is overflowing with these intrusive thoughts to the point where my brain is asphyxiating and drowning in it and keeping me up at night. Insomnia that comes with it stresses me more further and augmenting my anxiety. “If you don’t go to sleep now you will be late for school”, “You’re forcing friendships with people who don’t want you”, “You’re pathetic, pitiful”, “You’re useless”, “No one wants you”, “Might as well die”. They keep coming and coming and coming and I am suffocating in it, I weep at night, I couldn’t breathe, my heart hurts, my stomach hurts, my back hurts, my head hurts, my throat is stuck like there is a lump that’s hindering my cry for help. I have no energy, I could get out of bed, I didn’t care anymore. I saw my phone ring, right in front of me, I see my friend’s name on the screen. I didn’t pick up.
I got up eventually, not entirely but I am getting there. I started being honest about my feelings with my loved ones but most importantly with myself. I started looking for help, I’m still looking but I won’t give up because it’s tiring being like this for more than four years and it’s making the people around me and my loved one miserable. I don’t want that. I don’t know what the future holds but I know I will have one, filled with love, excitement and happiness.

3 Comments
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Anonymous

Hi…Thank you for sharing.
I hear you. I understand how you feel.

I’m so proud of you. I’m so proud of of the person you are becoming. I believe in you.

Keep fighting, loving and being kind to yourself.

You deserve it. You deserve it all.

Loads of love.
I’m here for you.

Anonymous

i understand, i often feel that way too, hang in there, this may sound impossible but everything will be better in the near future

viewedbasket

Hey…I know exactly how you feel. A while ago I was depressed and had terrible insomnia, I felt alone and like the people around me had no idea what i was going through. It SUCKS. But it seems like you have already taken the first steps. I’m so proud of you, it was much harder for me and I still have a lot of trouble sharing my feelings with all except one or two people. The only advice I have is that it WILL get better. I’m not going to tell you you will have a perfect “Happily Ever After”, because such a thing doesn’t exist. There are always going to be negative parts of life, that’s just part of being human. The real secret to being happy is:

Positive human interaction. There are almost eight billion people in this world and countless millions are good people who can see how incredible you are, and how much you will accomplish. If the people around you right now don’t see what an amazing person you are, then that is not at all reflective of what is out there. You WILL find your people. You WILL be happy. It gets better.