I am literally feeling like "kaha fass gayi" in this relationship. I don't like being in relationship with him. It's not like I want freedom n all. I don't feel like I have a boyfriend and I am in a relationship. I and he can live without each other. It's just maybe we don't want to live. But I hate being in relationship.
 
**Mujhe ghar jana hai ~ in Alia Bhatt voice**

If there is one thing this society has taught me is nobody really cares about you so keep yourself the first in the priority list and think about your own happiness

Hmm. Not wanting something makes you immature. Hmm 

Sound heh !!
You think it's easy to do that ? Just simply saying "cut off" will not solve my problem ;) he comes back again n again. When I stay with him he doesn't even remember that I exist. 

Its time to sort things out talk it through with him

Then listen to your heart na just forget everything aage bdho be happy dear😊 

3am Thoughts

Mere bf ne hi mjhe approch kia tha shuru me bht saare vaade kiye , apna centre of world bna kr rkha lekin ab 2 saal se jyda guzr jane k baad mjhe usse kuch b dil ki baat share krne k liye ghanto ghnto wait Krna pdta hai....uska Mann hota hai koi kaam hota h toh wo bht si meethi baatein kehta h aur wese meri feelings pe dhyn hi ni deta....kbhi mjhse ye ni puchta ki m kesi hu.....agr m kisi dusre insaan se kuch share kru apne dil ka toh usey bura b bht lgta hai...aur khud kbhi sunne ki koshish ni krta......m kbhi kbhi khud ko trapped feel krti hu.... Kbhi wo acha ho jata h kbhi usey koi farq ni pdta....😔😔😔

Relationships

Why is life so difficult, like why can't life just go smoothly. Aisa kyun lagta hai ki sabki atleast family issues sorted hai and all, like jo bhi family issues hai mere sort hi nahi ho rahe, agar ho jaane ke karib bhi pahunchte hai toh aasan raaste se kabhi kyun nahi jaate, hamesha mushkil raaste se hi kyun...! I know there will be no fun,no learning in life if it goes smoothly without any problems , but problems aate hai toh usske saath thoda aasan sa solutions bhi mile..😓

My anxiety to me:- Jitni tu milti jaaye utni lage thodi thodi 🥲🙂

Anxiety

Kuch palo ke liye hi sahi tera sath mila 
Un palo me ajj bhi kho jata hu me 
Teri awaz sune ko ajj bhi taras aa jata hu 
Apne un Hassen palo ko me kho jata hu 
Teri awaz sune ko ajj bhi taras jata hu me 
Ajj bhi rula deti hai wo yaade jo sath ne batai thi 
Un sab Palo ki ek pahli mujhe ajj bhi rok deti hai 
Kisi or ka hone se ab dar lagta hai 
Kisi apne ko badalta dekh kar dar jata hu 
Bus unhi pyar ke palo me khud ki kushi dekh 
Kar so jata hu ajj bhi teri awaz sune kk taras jata hu sune ko taras jata hu 

Na jane kaya hua apne beech jo duriya bhad gai 
Yaad me mujhe wo har ek pal jab 
Khafa ho ke bhi bata dete the 
Apne hone ka ahsas karwa dete hai 
Galti kisi ki bhi mafi dono mang lete the 
Na jane kaya hua apne beech na jane kaya hua 
Jo itne dur ho gae 

Ajj bhi tum muskura ke baat kar lo humse maaf kar de ge tumhe 
Koi or tumhare liye ae ya nahi hum apne sab kuch luta dege tumpe 
Tum ek bar apne dil ki baat bol ke to dekho apni jaan luta dege
Kuch palo ke liye hi sahi hamari jagah to le ke  dekho 
Un hassen palo se khud ko jod ke dekho 
Un palo ko hamare bina jee ke to dekho 
Bus ek bar hamre jitna pyaar karke to dekho 
Taras jaoge tum hume pane ke liye 
Luta do ge khud ko in palo me bheeg jane ke liye 
Tum bhi taras jaoge hamari awaaz sune ke liye 

Breakup

Na ye samajh aa raha hai ki me kya kar rahi hu or na Life me kya chal raha hai, nahi ye samajh aa raha hai. 
Translation - Idk what's going on in my life and what am I doing?
Wo Jo emotion jo feeling hai wo, apni language me hi express hoti hai na. Kitna hi accha bol le ya kuch bhi karle life me. Bahar wo sukoon hi nahi hai. Par ab toh andar bhi wo sukoon nahi hai. Bas kisine kaha bhago to bhag rahe hai. Kaha? Kyu? Kuch pata nahi hai. Bas kat rahi hai zindagi. 

Life

i am not feeling well humesha asa lagta hai ki kuvh glt hone vala hai kisi kaam ko krne me intrest nhi ata even apne pasndida kamo me bhi nhi khi aane jaaane ka man nhi krta bus akele rehne ka man krta hai suddenly anxiety shuru ho jati hai or kitna hi kuch krlo mood cheerful nhi ho pata hai phir 

One day i asked my parents sometimes I hurt you, anger you even I don't talk to you.. 
My parents replied :-"We know ki jab gussa aata hai toh kuch samjh nhi aata pr gusse mein muh se niklne Wale sabad samne Wale ke dil pr lagti jo tumhare liye kitna kuch krte hai "
Today I felt that 

Kabhi kabhi kitna he sar maar maar ke mehnat kar lo jo cheez kismat me nahi hoti wo milti he nahi.... Man krta hai deewar pe sar maar maar ke mar jau... Lekin dard bohot hoga aur khoon bhi aayega ye soch kr rukh jaati hu
Haa maana ki ki hai galtiya past me par un galtiyo se jyada aaj mehnat bhi to kr rahi hu... The conclusion is all you can do is work result is never the marksheet of your hardwork... But people see it in that way... "Haa kuch kaam to kiya nahi... Kya he milna tha inhe!" they say
Bas ab to bhagwaan se bhi vishwaas uth raha hai! 

Sharing Our Innermost Thoughts