I am beyond stressed, Im spread out to thin. No one is here for me. I just turned 18 and Im a senior, yknow, thats on my plate rn. I live in a toxic ass household, Im lonely. Everything is virutal, Im at home all the time. I think im going insane sometimes. Im so stressed, I literally just had a mental breakdown over a cucumber. I was cutting a cucumber so I could eat it, its like my favorite fruit ever, and while im doing it my little brother is hitting me, knocking over my food to the ground, etc. And Im not allowed to get after him, so I just keep cutting and Im getting worked up because his hits hurts, so I start shaking and I slice my finger. Then I eat a cucumber and I start choking on it just because im anxious. My mother is doing nothing to stop him at all. So anyways, I go to the bathroom and leave my plate on the microwave, but when I come back my brother had already ate them :( so I go to my room and start screaming and crying into my pillow. Then I go outside, and while I go through the front door my mom and other brother were like “your crazy, it sounded like you were getting killed” but I just ignored them and went outside. I sat on the grass, then layed down which felt amazing. Like my problems were little compared to the whole world. I feel so tired, worn down, sad, stressed. Most of the time Im happy, funny, and responsible tho. Im tired of this quarantine, I spend all day home, in this dumb ass toxic environment. And the reason I got so worked up about the cucumber was because it was the only one in the fridge, and I hadn’t had any in weeks. My parents rarely buy me anything, so I was very excited for it. And on top of that I am vegetarian so half of the things my parents cook I cant even eat. Idk its not the cucumber, its just everything else. School is stressful, I have to take exams and I suck at them yet I get all A’s, my mom took my phone away, the only time I leave the house is to go to walmart which is like once every 2 weeks. Im losing my shit in here. And I think im in love with my best friend, and I think I have been for the past 4 years.
There will be so many more cucumbers for you to eat soon, that you’ll throw up at some point. We’re all going through some shit in this time, and yours really sounds bad. I totally feel you. Stress and anxiety just builds up and up, and then it just needs one tiny thing to blow it all up. And then the people around you ask „wtf is wrong, it was just a cucumber“. They don’t know what’s going on inside you, and they’ll never know. But you know.
It sounds hard, but you’ll get through it, I feel it.
thank you :(
