I am at my home, the same city where I have spent most of my life. It’s the same city, just a different year. It’s the same place, same buildings, same streets, both familiar and different faces. People starring down at their phones without looking up. Blank stares from people with face mask walk past, earphones in. You wonder what song they’re listening to. I wonder what they are listening to. I pass by someone I know I wave and force a smile.
I sit in the same sofa to eat lunch. I make conversation with the same people, whom I call my friends. I do the same thing day in, day out. At night, I sit down at the same corner of sofa, TV remote in one hand, other hand shaking the glass of ice cold milk. I hear the ice cubes clinking against the sides of the glass. Maybe this will help me to loosen up, ease that stress from the everyday.
Maybe I am sitting at home, scrolling through Instagram, looking at my messages, saving all post I like. It’s just like every other night. My eyes hurt from staring at the light of the phone screen. My chest feels heavy, like bricks weighing me down. I can’t remember the last time I felt genuinely happy.
Home doesn’t feel like home anymore.Even at the end of a long day I toss and turn at night in the dark of my room, waiting for sleep to takee to another world.
It’s become more than just the work I do all day. My presence doesn’t add value anymore. It’s the people, and the meaningless interactions that only draining me. Maybe it’s time for the change a lifetime. Maybe it’s time to get away. Life is too short to come back to home. I am truly going to change my life to be somewhere new. I will tie up those loose ends, pack my things, and move to a different city. No matter how hard it may be. Leave behind the things and activities that don’t make me happy anymore. I will change my path.
I will start anew in a place where no one knows my name, no one from your past can put me down anymore, and no one knows my story. They will not know my burdens, my worries, and my fears. They will never know about the people of my past, all the drama, and pain.
I will have a blank canvas, and now it will me my wish to determine exactly what you want to make of it. Maybe I will find my new home in a place where I never thought I would be comfortable.
And just maybe I will find yourself again, along with a truly newfound happiness.
Kushagra @kushgpt
If u want I can share my playlist
But I know it kills us inside living the same life cycle . There are certain people who likes to live a same life cycle but than there are those who seeks adventures and newness in the there life and u seems to be one of them . And escaping from that life cycle has to start with you . You need figure out things that can help you out to get out of it . Think of things u r good at find a new job r volunteer for different things . Maybe that can help
Hello,
I have literally felt like you. I too have had the opportunity to move to a new place where no one knew me. Of course, I screwed it up and have ended up in the same place I had started. I hope it is different for you. I hope you can find that happeniness you have longed for and keep it. One thing I will say, there is no escaping your past. Eventually, your demons will catch up to you. Unlike myself, do not burn bridges and act like your past does not exist. Deal with whatever you need to deal with and then move on. Only then will you be able to keep the happiness you find. I have not been able to do this yet, but I hope you are better than me.
