Sharing Our Innermost Thoughts

I am a liberal, my social ideals are progressive. That being said, I can’t stand that my boyfriend is so weak. I hate that I feel this way, I shouldn’t be telling him to man up in my head and to be more masculine because that’s not right, but I can’t help but feel this way. He is always afraid. We were at a gas station one night and he ran into the car smelling of gas, staring at the car frantically telling me he saw a scary man in a mask. I told him it was played to be scared, but on the inside, I was so so so annoyed. he kept going on about how he needed to go to the gym to get stronger but in my head, I just wanted to tell him to grow a pair. We went camping and I spent 4 hours trying to calm him down because last minute he got paranoid about bears. He isn’t protective. I can’t name the number of times he has walked away from me, left my side, or neglected to consider the possible danger or harm I’ve been in. It’s like the thought doesn’t even cross his mind, I’ve even told him I wouldn’t mind if he was more protective and the very same night he left me in the dark in a parking lot without telling me because he was looking for the car. It’s not that I actually feel unsafe or that I cant take care of myself, but it’s the thought that he doesn’t take that protective role that bothers me. Lastly, he never takes responsibility. At the beginning of our relationship when I told I’m something that bothered me he would apologize and I thought we would move on. Recently it has come out that he feels like he is tired of “always saying sorry” and when he clearly does something wrong now, he just uses excuses and deflects the blame ( example: his father made some racial comments ( his father is white and I am black)) during the thanksgiving dinner, I just got up and left without saying anything. I listened from the room and I could tell he said nothing. When he walks into the room he starts talking about something else. I am so mad, I very clearly tell him that I am upset he stayed silent when his father said those racial comments. After kinda acting confused we left the house to go for a walk and for an hour he went on about how he doesn’t recognize people he knew, how he is paranoid about our relationship, how he doesn’t like his hometown, etc. He even started crying like this was somehow about him. I keep telling him that I don’t appreciate his excuses and how he is making this about himself. IN the end he never really apologized and the conversation completely got derailed. Still to this moment he hasn’t taken responsibility for staying silent. Either he doesn’t think what happened was a big deal or he doesn’t think he did anything wrong, either way, it’s a problem. There are other examples I cant think of/won’t bring up which just makes me feel I’m dating a wimp and a coward. I feel bad for thinking this but honestly, I just feel like I’m becoming disgusted by him. Opinions?