I am 2 days sober. I really wasn’t an addict or anything. I used to smoke up and drink everyday but only in the evenings after completing all my work, I would go out and get high. My friend told me that I was making time for it. I wasn’t really ready to accept that I was dependent on some substance. I have spent the last 6 years of my life hating myself, being completely self-destructive, not getting close to anyone, isolating myself but I recently only realised that I developed all those habits as a defence mechanism, I was too naive and that innocence was completely abused and after that I have become so rude, destructive, hateful. I have cut myself, drank till I couldn’t stand, hit myself, the first thing I’d tell someone when I like them is that I like them and I don’t want them to like me at all. Sort of used to feel comforting, not wanting to be liked by anyone. I don’t like looking at myself in the mirror. I hate asking for help. I’m sure nobody likes being around me and nobody likes having me around too. I hate this distance I’ve created within myself. I have felt sorry for myself for so long and I’ve gone around wanting others to feel sorry for me as well. I don’t remember laughing without being under the influence of something. I seem like a victim of my own choices but I’m not. Every choice I’ve made I’ve enjoyed it, but didn’t realise how self-destructive it all was. Nobody has to like me. But sometimes I wish, I too had a bond that I can cherish, that’s comforting, that’s kind to me. I’ve spent most of my life thinking I’m a worthless piece of shit who doesn’t deserve anything, I stayed in a relationship with an abusive, manipulative, cheating, lieing girl, cus I thought that’s what I deserved. After that relationship, I got so used to the pain, that I thought my life would only have any purpose when I’m in pain. I don’t wanna hurt myself anymore. I want to for once sit in a place with someone I like and just cry so bad. I want to just have a conversation that doesn’t make me feel like I’m being a burden to them by talking to them. I want to exist without the heaviness of being a burden. I tell myself thay I shouldn’t be feeling this way at all. When I want to cry, I hit myself that I don’t cry. This all may seem like some bullshit sob story and I too wish it was. I want to live. I just can’t seem to find anything worth liking.
Heyyy, FIRST OF ALL, I am soooo proud of you for opening up and realizing and accepting the fact that you made some bad decisions. Trust me when I say this- not everyone has the power and the strength to do that. I’m so SO proud of you 🥺
Sweetie, please dont be so harsh on yourself. I can understand that situations forced you to take some steps you didnt want to take but that was in the past. It’s so evident now that you have matured and evolved beautifully. Your judgements and your confessions speak volume about who you are as a person. Youre strong, you’re brave, you’re a GOOD MAN. You know, however bullshit this might sound, everything happens for a reason. You went through the path of self-destruction only to realize that you need to grow, you need to change. And that my friend, is a success story.
Hating yourself is something literally EVERYONE goes through. I’m not invalidating your actions or your problems, I’m just saying that youre definitely not alone. We’re all going through the same thing, maybe at different intensities but WE ALL know how you feel :)
You know what, dont make your past your weakness. Make it your strength. I know how it feels to be in an abusive relationship but instead of feeling sorry for yourself, you should know that you emerged much stronger out of that relationship than you were in the past! You survived a toxic relationship and I promise you, justice will be served to everyone who did you wrong. Do not think about that more, and leave it up to destiny. 1/2
I’m so grateful you reached out to us and you HAVE to know that you’re NOT a burden. We’re all here to listen to you whenever you need anything and I specially want you to take VERY GOOD care of yourself. Please don’t hurt yourself. You’re soooo precious, you have no idea. It seems dark but trust me,its going to get better and you’re going to be blessed with all the good things in life real soon. Just hold on and have faith and I swear, everything will be alright. Please take good care of yourself. Your happiness and your mental health is very important :)
Hold on okay, we’re here for you.
Oh and, do me a favor, and PLEASE for God’s sake watch a sad movie and cry as much as you can. Let it alllll out. Holding onto your sadness can be extremely dangerous. Its going to get better <3
In my experience crying is not a weakness. you have a right to cry and it will make you feel better.
Actually these days bcuz of this pandemic no one is able to get close to anyone. most of human being suffering from loneliness. The only and best solution is prayer if you like to do. Prayer has been a medicine for unhealed wounds, Just sit and cry every pain and turn it to words. you don’t have to say words just talk in mind to god. I really feel better after talking to god cuz in some situations, even a closure person can’t understand the state of mind that we are in. But god knows everything and god sees everything🙏. He will make a way.
And you have put your own boundaries , then you can start to break it. means, if you drink to much to escape from the reality just start not to do that. don’t drink today . eat a great meal full of your favorite foods.🍲 cut your hair cut your beard, make yourself to be please you😎. wear nice clothes make you more pleasant, not fashionable.
if you are able to see outside like parks ,mountains or even a small garden🌳🌲🌿🌾🌸 go and watch it for a while but make sure you are safe ( bcuz of Covid outbreak).Mild sunlight ☀️, morning wind, evening sky🌘🌟 cold wind ,or whatever in your nature will relax you. if you can do meditation. Breathing in good oxygen is does wonders while you breath out all your sorrows. and don’t ever think that you are not worthy. that’s a lie . you worth to be happy blessed and better. bcuz of one person treat you like that that doesnt mean you are worthless.
everyone’s life has a purpose. just try to find them. but among this be kind to yourself. as a man you can do many things to this world. and you have all strengths within you. be kind to yourself. Take care of yourself. love yourself. be kind to others. these days helping others is became a major relief to ourselves as to others, most importantly loving yourself forgiving yourself ,forgiving your past and toxic relationships make your heart lighter than ever. 😇
And if you can not do this on your own . just seek the help of professional. when our body is in ill , we go to the doctors . if our mind in ill we can go to the doctors. both ways are same. never ever get ashamed of treating to your mental health.
