Sharing Our Innermost Thoughts

hy there u know i am 18yrs now but still feel like 15 yrs old
i just dream of having friends and talking with them especially girls and i sometimes try to talk with them i feel so anxious through talking and i wanted to make a gf and hang out
but later reality hits hard that i don’t have a income source and i was never able to express my self in fear of the how they will react and i didn’t find enough courage to express my self and then i always pretended like i m the funniest guy and in reality i don’t even know
and then i ended up watching pornnn no social media no interactions with anyone for more than one year and now it is like whenever i feel bored or don’t know what to do then i watch porn now i m sick of this thing 😟 now i even Don’t like myself and moreover i feel ashamed and unworthy to see anyone directly.