Sharing Our Innermost Thoughts

How do you deal with physical abuse from your father? I’m a 19 year old guy dependent on my parents for my needs. Every time when my father has to give me money or spend it for me he starts a fight and he spends only when he no other choice. When I ask him to money to travel to college he beats me in the morning. He has his absolute dictatorship here. He doesn’t allow me or restricts my freedom to a maximum extent so that I stay dependent on him and have to be submissive and obedient. I have been deprived of choices in my career due to his decision on what I have to study.He is abusive, violent and arrogant by nature.My mother is very much accustomed to this toxic behavior and has adapted to it.But I cannot deal with this violent behavior.I started attending offline classes so that we don’t clash during his online training and to stay away from home in order to avoid fights.He has extreme anger issues and struggles with money management. I cannot discuss about this with anyone .I cannot complain about this to anyone no one I know is capable or willing to go against him to support me.His decisionsare often hasty, insensitive and is adamant .It has always been like I obey him I get what he thinks is best for me.He has only provided me with bare minimum and basic necessities in life.I agree that parents do struggle a lot to fulfill their children’s needs but here He decides what I need.Anything for that matter. Right from my haircut to the color of clothes I wear has to be his choice-this is not because I want to be in any indecent attire or behavior according to the society but because he wants it to coincide with his idea…I am abused mentally, physically and emotionally almost everyday. I don’t want to be beaten by father at this age and I definitely want to revolt or retaliate but my mother thinks that is wrong and everyone else is of a similar opinion. The abuse has traumatized me and affects my overall functioning in other aspects. Even when there’s no abuse I have constant anger with in me about the behavior in me I just can’t forgive or forget but I do not want to do anything or even care about the persons existence at all. Everytime I try to complain about the toxic behavior of his my mother tries to draw similarities with me and him which can not even be considered to be similar or relevant. There is extreme criticism for every action of minr. They have instilled so much of self hate in me.I have myself ,my achievements are never appreciated and I don’t understand why some people think that it is disrespectful to not allow an elderly person to disrespect you. I am treated badly and I’m told Everytime I eat that I am eating from his earning and to have an opinion I should earn .the hypocrisy is that the person was dependent and only started to earn in his early 30s.I have to apologize every time even if I am right so I hate myself more than anyone I have ever met. I am always reminded of my mistakes from the past and it is used to control as they know it is a trigger to me.