Hope is the only reason/ way for me to hold onto you. Otherwise, there's nothing between us like there's nothing between us in reality. 

Cookie🍪 

Yeah well lately none of them are coming true for me

3am Thoughts

Hope is the thing with feathers that perches in the soul and sings the tune without words and never stops at all

I miss the memories from last year

Memories

I remember every time we said I love you we would fight on who loves each other more. I guess now I know I really won all those times. You never loved me for me you loved me for my body. It hurts because I pursued it with you because you were the nice guy. The safe guy, you were supposed to care for me and not use me. But you proved me wrong nice guys are still horrible. Maybe all guys are flawed in the way that when they see a pretty girl they have uncontrollable thoughts. I just thought you were different but now that I think about it how did I not see the red flags. I am in disbelief that this is how we ended and I am in pain. I feel broken and unwanted, I don’t want to be here I would rather be dead than have to see you everyday. Which you don't even look my way so why did we ever say I love you
I really really really did love you. Maybe it’s because you were my first love but either way love is serious. You played with me and my heart like I was disposable. Then you acted more like I nothing and disposed of me when you thought I was too much. My life is falling apart and I needed you but you left me and my heart shattered. Anther guy came and put the pieces back together and I told him he would never have a chance because of you. I dismissed him for you when you wouldn’t even talk to me. You told everyone I was insane but how so. I will never forgive you for what you did.

Breakup

Getting off from something heavy is not easy specially when you have a strong memory which keeps reminding you of every traumatic event but eventually it all works out. Trust me! It all works out. One day you'll no longer be this heavy. You'll enjoy life, you'll be happy and content no matter whatever the situation and circumstances. So people below 25 don't lose hope. Just keep working hard and smart.

Mental Wellbeing

it's toxic. isn't it?

I just want you to know that I'm still here. I just want you to know, after all that happened, I still don't talk shit about you. I dont tell everyone your secrets.. You meant everything to me, but you ruined me, you destroyed us.. Why won't I ride for you like I did before? Coz u fucking crushed my soul and I still kept you around.I still don't get why u think I was the one that messed up. I wish things could have happened differently coz I still have feelings for you.. I still care about you and I want the best for you. I miss you, but I don't want to admit it. You really fucked me over, but nothing will ever change the fact that you gave me some of the best days. Despite all of what happened I still fell for you, but just at the wrong time. I'll still lend you my shoulders and ears. I don't care what time it is, what I'm doing, don't hesitate to talk to me, coz half the time I wish you were talking to me.I miss your presence, I miss you being my bestfriend. I miss you in general. I'll still wait for your texts..but how long? It's toxic. Isn't it ??

smoked up after so long.
Loved the way it made me forget so much about life and made me remember why laughing is so fun & how I miss it amidst all the daily lofe chaos

Love doesn't heal or make anything better without self reflection and change. 
-me

As I am always left or given silence on my bad days, to deal with them alone. I'd rather be alone on all of my days and keep the good and bad both to me. 
I am choosing this time not to explain or defend or anything, unlike all the other times before.
I take responsibility for time and again waiting for you to get it right and deluding myself away from the truths I know. I take accountability for the fact I thought you will become empathetic and loving towards me and be the family I never had and also that I didn't want to see what you are and willingly believed that your words hold greater value than your actions. I am sorry for my part in this dysfunctional dynamic and letting you believe that I was okay with being treated the way you treated me and that you could put me at the last of your priorities and your explanation and your choices and reasons will make it okay. I thank you for all the lessons and the exposing my vulnerabilities and flaws as well. I wish you well and leave it on you to decide the sort of, if any interaction you would prefer in the future as we're neighbours and still have things we share. I dont particularly have a problem keeping our interactions to surface level and necessity wise. 
P.s i don't want anything to do with you anymore if I am being honest and if I want to escape the emotional abuse that's all that's left between us. 


Relationships

Idk what you're going thru but I can assure you, you're gonna make thru it. You always and you'll always come out stronger. Love yourself for being the way you're. Be proud of yourself for overcoming all the hardships life threw at you. Love your body for being w you always, love your body for doing all the things, for keeping you alive. Ily and take care of yourself bestie 
Don't forget to drink wotah! <3

Sharing Our Innermost Thoughts