Honestly I'm so done with my life right now, that I just wanna end it all but couldn't build the courage to do so, eh its so suffocating either way ughh

Unvalued efforts, no respect or reputation no matter how much you try to stabilize it,  male toxicity to the extreme even if you ignore it, no right decisions ever taken by me and to cherry it all I wouldn't be the most hated person which have been better than being the least favoured a**


Society

I'm confused and frustrated. 😥
I'm useless. I'm stupid. 
Please God help me. 
I don't know what to do now. 
I'm hopeless. Please get me out of here. 
Am I insane?lately, I realize most of the time I'm just staring in our roof and talking to myself laughing and crying. Im totally depressed. 😭 Lord I'm tired. I want to let go of myself. I need to rest. I feel suffocating I can't breathe anymore.
God😭 how much time do I need to suffer? How much time do I need to feel the pain. I am done.! 

Anxiety

i know it's not good to self medicate (i forgot that word when u think u have an illness so u assume you have it) but i just think i may have depression and ocd, im not really sure since im no psych and ive never met one since money issues but i have this feeling it's either of those, or i may be just doing all this because of hormones, but then again it happens too often i think it could be possible, i dont even want to admit it because my mom might just think it's not real lol

Disorders

I’m starting to feel depressed.

I work close to 40 hours a week while I’m still in high school, staying up till 12 or 1 in the morning to maintain my high gpa. I have no friends, no trusted individuals to talk to. I miss what I had with a long distance friend, talking on the phone every night, laughing and crying together, being that boyfriend/girlfriend combo. She’s the perfect girl but god is she so confusing. I’m tired of apologizing for things that aren’t my fault. I’m tired of feeling guilty or like a failure at every turn. I’m tired of always being jealous or angry. I hate feeling like I’m weak by showing me emotions. I hate building up my confidence just so it can be struck down by every minor inconvenience. I’m tired of being a nice guy when everyone just wants to be treated like shit.

I don’t have anyone else to talk to. I feel like I’m going insane. 

Insecurity

today? its been from 7 months I feel like m useless, fucked up, messed up, I totally don't know what I will do throughout my whole life, emotionally n mentally stressed, sometimes I feel like committing suicide, cuz I don't understand people, in spite of they know that I go through hard times but still they backstab me. they try to take advantage of me, I m going crazy n worst thing is that it been a year now m applying for a job but nothing is happening, m like totally invisible I don't know what to do, I can even just leave everything n travel, cuz m fucking  bankrupt😇, still, I believe in positivity in my life that something good will happen

Life

Some may want a happy ending but I just want a ending......

3am Thoughts

I hate showing my feelings and being vulnerable in front of other people. I know that just like all of them I'm also human and I'm supposed to have emotions but I hate that. People around me always wonder why I'm like this; so cold and uninterested. They don't think it's a good thing either and constantly say i have no emotions or empathy, they ask me if there's even anything in this life that excites me. I'm afraid of showing interest for things, I'm afraid of showing love, I'm afraid of showing excitement cuz if things don't work out then everyone will know i've been hurt and i'd rather them not know that im capable of being in pain, i'd rather they think i can't be hurt by anything because there's nothing i care for. But i care a lot, I do have dreams and things that make my eyes light up, i love a lot more than anyone could ever imagine, and i get hurt extremely easily, I'm actually very sensitive. I know i always look lifeless and as if there was nothing behind my eyes, as if my mind was constantly blank but I've actually got a lot going on in my head all of the time, i just tend to hide my smile as much as i hide my tears, making me seem emotionless but that's everything i am not. I just can't understand why im like this, i know i have no reason to be this way but why?

Other

I want to run away from home ..can you suggest me some safe places ..


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