Thought

If you or somebody you know is currently struggling, please take deep breaths and reach out to somebody. Here are few resources that may help.
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Anonymous

Hi,
This is going to be so long I’m sorry! I don’t have anyone else to talk to about this.

I have been going through a very hard ‘friendship breakup’.
I’ve been super close friends with this girl from my class from the first day of college but at some point we both made the stupid decision to try a friends with benefits arrangement.
This barely even started before I unexpectedly fell for a guy and started dating him (ex now).
I know I made a mistake in agreeing to be FWB with her when I knew she’s not as mentally ‘sturdy’ as I am and I definitely made a mistake with blowing her off to date a guy. I’ve apologized in the weeks surrounding that moment and she acted like things were fine so we carried on. I should have insisted more in asking if she really was fine but she shouldn’t have said that she was when she wasn’t.

Cut to 2 years later and a ton of built up tension between us of her being secretly mad at me and me kind of knowing she secretly resents me for something from little nasty comments here and there.
Eventually I demanded to know why and we got into a huge fight. She has issues speaking her mind and is very conflict avoidant so when she wrote me a letter detailing every thing I’ve ever done that hurt or annoyed her it took me by surprise how much she had bottled up.
Turns out she had feelings for me and felt very betrayed and hurt when I stopped our FWB agreement to date someone else. She resents me for not returning her feelings.
Now I know I can be impulsive and short sighted, but I genuinely have always tried my best to immediately set my mess ups right. Outside of the FWB thing (where we had a talk about definitely having NO romantic feelings) I’ve never led her on or otherwise encouraged or even knew about her feelings.

We share a ton of friends and everyone seems to just pity her when I’m just stuck here alone, getting madder every day that she’s blaming me for not returning those feelings.
I know I made mistakes but I’ve never deliberately tried to hurt her like she has done to me with that letter and the resentment.
It’s just eating at me so much, I’m thinking about it every day. Is she overreacting and blaming me for her own communication issues or am I just an impulsive bitch?

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Profile picture for Now&Me member @tobey_marshall
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7 replies
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Anonymous

Hey… Would like to help u here, but couldn’t understand ur story well🙄

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Anonymous

Oh ok… I guess the main point is one of my best friends resents me for not returning her feelings after we both made the stupid decision to try ‘friends with benefits’. And now I’ve begun to resent her for putting all the blame on me. I keep swinging between feeling guilty and feeling angered for being like i purposefully tried to ruin her when i didn’t even know she had feelings for me.

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Anonymous

Ah ok ok… Its like ur stuck in between resentment and anger

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Anonymous

Yeah it’s become a really unhealthy obsession and source of stress. I’m already very overworked lately and this issue on top is becoming too much to carry. I don’t know how to let it go.

Anonymous

Hey
I would say there has been a huge miscommunication on both you’re parts . But I wouldn’t say that it is your fault for not having romantic feelings towards her. Since you both seem to be close friends and run in all the same circles , I would say have a proper conversation and sort everything out . You both will need time but I’m sure you will be all the better for it .

Sending you all the love and power
I’m here if you want to talk :)

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Anonymous

Thank you <3
I’m planning to have a talk once we’re not so busy with schoolwork anymore.
Until then I’m going to try and work on letting go of the anger for my own well-being.
Not going to be easy but I think this has been the first genuine step in the right direction.

Profile picture for Now&amp;Me member @tobey_marshall
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