Hi my name is Spencer. I’m quite Jovial when I’m around people but deep down on the inside I’m dying. Is life really worth living after all. Life if filled with pain and imperfection. No one ever notices that I’m an emotional wreck. I’m never good enough for my family or anyone of that sort. I’ve been through alot since my birth 18 years ago. At times i question if anyone even realises that i exist. I’ve had sleepless night in with i just wanted to be swallowed up by my bed. I tend to wonder when will i actually be appreciated for the effort i put in into being good enough for everyone. Let me get more in-depth. Poverty was a main factor in my suicidal thoughts over the years. Growing up life was really rough but still i managed to smile off my pain. I’ve been through nights on nights where i had nothing to eat. Have 4 siblings and at one point in time 4 of us slept on one small bed. I still managed to ace my classes and i was still well behaved but i was still struggling on the inside. At one point in time i usually use razor to cut my hands wanting to bleed out in the bathroom while showering. Life hasn’t been a smooth path way for me and many persons don’t know. About a month or 2 ago I owned up to my girlfriend about my pass. I’ve never ever opened up to anyone else before and it feel great letting out my feelings. The great feeling lasted for about 2 weeks and then i was back to facing my demons by myself. Since lately suicide has been on my mind and I’m thinking about fulfilling my suicidal thoughts. I try my best to be a great son, boyfriend, brother, nephew, uncle etc but I’m never ever good enough. If someone hurts me i tend to smile it off and not show my pain and that’s killing me softly. My girlfriend lives miles away from me and we see each other in holidays. If smth happens even when I’m right i always take the blame. Tbh she makes me happy but I’m afraid I’m losing her. It’s not because of cheating but it’s because of simple mistakes i make. She gets upset with me alot. I’m really afraid of losing her. My dad cheated on my mom and they are now on the verge if divorcing. My life is a complete mess
first and foremost,
you sound someone with an extremely strong and kind person. i find it absolutely astonishing how there are people in this world who can pull a smile out from their pocket, for the sake of others, and manage to lift other’s day even when they need someone by their side. after all, they do say the brightest smiles hide the most pain.
i don’t know you personally, but i believe that if you have a good education, in the future things will always get better. life is a difficult thing, and it can bring people down, and the only thing we can do as humans, is to keep standing up. the boulder or weight on your shoulders doesn’t get lighter; you just grow stronger.
life is a weird thing. fulfilment and purpose is something everyone seeks in their life. it’s sort of like a messed up, complicated storybook, and each chapter has its own struggles. but you know what? in the end, there is no happily ever after. it’s up to you to interpret what happens. your question: if life is worth living?
well, your girlfriend sounds like a great person. she sounds like a beautiful soul, and I’m glad you got someone in your life you can vent to. your family is also filled to the brim with people, and in the future, there will be more amazing people who will enter your life.
life is worth living for. there are beautiful things that are out there, waiting to be discovered. you said in your post you manage to ace all your classes, which is great! a good education can mean the world, and i can practically assure you that in the future, things will get better. don’t give up my dude, live for your girlfriend, your family, and the opportunities that will come to you in the future.
Sneha Anand @sneha08
Hey! Firstly, let me remind you, how far you’ve come facing so so many hurddles. And I can’t even imagine what experiences you have been through, it only makes me feel greatfull for the life that I’ve got.
Don’t give up, please don’t. It’s a common misconception that we always try to stand right on other’s expectations, wanting to be a good son,a good boyfriend, or whatever. We always try to identify ourselves on the basis of these relationships we share. But don’t you think, you owe so much to your own self, to your own soul. We often forget the most important and the longest relationship that we can ever have- one with our own selves.
You deserve so many beautiful things in the world and I know you will. Just stay strong as you’ve always been and you don’t know that you have succeeded in inspiring so many of us.
Stay strong and good things will happen. 🌈🌈🌻🌻❤️❤️
And we all are here to talk about anything and everything. 💙
😭😭😭
Sneha Anand @sneha08
You’re gonna make it,my friend! 🌻
