Hi, I wrote earlier. But now I am going through some different stuff. I m taking meds to control my negative thoughts from a psychiatrist. I used to see a therapist but she is no longer take my therapy sessions anymore because I develop feeling towards her. She was great person. Anyway, I just feel numb. I tried crying out but I couldn’t cry. Everything seems hope less. I think I am just waiting for death. Sometimes I think I should get some serious illness so I can die faster. I tried to cut myself 2wice year ago. Just to see blood. It wasn’t suicidal. I get happy when something bad happens to my body. I don’t care about myself anymore. I am just alive for my parents. Because they need me. And they love me. Am I so cold? Should I seek new therapist? Or just live as it is?
( yeah and one more thing, I was in love with my cousin sister. She and her whole family, relatives don’t talk to me anymore. Bocoz I was very passesive towards her. I judged her. I feel guilty.) It was 2 yrs ago. Now I have no one sided love or love life. Myb I am going to be alone rest of my life. Without real friends. What should I do?