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Hi, I wrote earlier. But now I am going through some different stuff. I m taking meds to control my negative thoughts from a psychiatrist. I used to see a therapist but she is no longer take my therapy sessions anymore because I develop feeling towards her. She was great person. Anyway, I just feel numb. I tried crying out but I couldn’t cry. Everything seems hope less. I think I am just waiting for death. Sometimes I think I should get some serious illness so I can die faster. I tried to cut myself 2wice year ago. Just to see blood. It wasn’t suicidal. I get happy when something bad happens to my body. I don’t care about myself anymore. I am just alive for my parents. Because they need me. And they love me. Am I so cold? Should I seek new therapist? Or just live as it is?
( yeah and one more thing, I was in love with my cousin sister. She and her whole family, relatives don’t talk to me anymore. Bocoz I was very passesive towards her. I judged her. I feel guilty.) It was 2 yrs ago. Now I have no one sided love or love life. Myb I am going to be alone rest of my life. Without real friends. What should I do?

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Hello. I know life gets really tough but its okay to feel lonely and sad. Thats apart of being human. I rpobably shouldnt even be giving advice cause I have depression myself lol but I think one thing that can help you out is first finding another therapist. Second I believe you need to find happiness within. Love yourself including all of your flaws and everything will start to come together. I know Im saying it like its just really easy but I know its not. However if you really want to get better then learning how to love yourself is the first step. Thirdly you need to find a way to live for yourself. Dont just feel like you have to live for other people. That show you become miserable your whole life. Find something or some reason any reason to WANT to wake up every morning and be a better person. Everyone is going to make mistakes but we cannot dwell on our past its the future that matters. I know it seems so easy just to stop caring about everything including yourself but I am a stronger believer that everyone is here for a reason and a purpose. Its just up to you to find that purpose and want to live through all the pain to find your true happiness. I hope things get better for you and I hope you live a happy life.

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Thank you for taking time to write down your thoughts on this. Well I will try to find purpose.