Sharing Our Innermost Thoughts

Hi guys, I’m just here to share my story and potentially help people out there struggling with difficult break ups. I was in a 7 year relationship with a psychologically abusive girlfriend that made me believe for so long that what her and I had was real love. She lied to me countless times, she was always sneaky and hid a lot of things from me. At some point she would barely give me any attention for over 8 months and I used to call her out for it but to no avail. She then ended up breaking up with me stating that I got ‘boring’. I was so strung up on what she told me was love so I waited for her to come back. I faked who I was to not be boring for her. I never realized how special I actually was and that I wasn’t the problem. I made excuses for her a million times over in the hope that she would change. The girl also cheated on me once and came to me crying saying that it was a mistake. I made the mistake and believed her. I am trying not to talk about the things she did as much because I don’t want it to be about bashing her. I always made excuses about her having a tough childhood as the reason why she’s that way. I ended up becoming an emotionless cold hearted man and that’s when she fell for me. She fell for the constant fights and arguments and my unapologetic manner. That isn’t who I’ve always been but that’s what I became because of the constant heartbreak and heart ache. I got to a point where it was affecting my social life because she tried to isolate me from my friends by telling me she wants my time. I made a lot of mistakes in that relationship by believing what she was saying. She used to threaten suicide as well every time I tried to leave. That pulled on my heart string because I lost a sister to suicide. Basically I was in a relationship with a person with crazy level of narcissism. One night this year I caught her in a lie and she couldn’t squirm away. I finally chose to leave and this time I committed to it fully. I was depressed because I did not know any different for 7 years than her. I convinced myself that I was the issue and that I would never find someone to love me like she did. It took 1 month of therapy and watching youtube (DoctorRamani) to learn the traits of narcissism. Since then I blocked her on every platform and she even recently emailed me to have a conversation. I had the conversation with her but I was not interested in being a friend as she suggested so I asked her to leave it at that. Ever since the breakup this has been the most peaceful I have ever felt in my life. I always thought that I would never find better but I didn’t realize that I was missing something inside me that I had to find. I found happiness in myself first. I started working out more and focusing on my future a lot more. If love comes it will come but I wouldn’t go out of my way to chase after it. People trust me, things only get better. I know it may be hard right now but I promise if you stay patient with yourself and work on yourself, however cliché it may sound. Embrace what you feel right now, all the pain, and turn into something positive. Use platforms like these so that you don’t feel alone or go and be with your friends and family. Go out and do things for yourself. Don’t focus on trying replace them because that’s where we go wrong. Focus on healing what was damaged. You also don’t want to hurt someone else in an attempt to make your ex jealous, that doesn’t make you cool. I promise you things will get better. Peace and love to you all. I’ll share more of my story if needed. I left out a lot and I still wrote all of this 😅