Sharing Our Innermost Thoughts

Hi everyone…
I’m new here, not rly sure how this works, or who’s gonna reply, if anyone is… But here goes
Well… This is a sort of… “relationship problem”
So there’s this guy i knew since i was 13-14, we went to the same school and had mutual friends … Knew him for a pretty long time… But anyways, we were always friends, but the past 2 years we got closer and closer, we even became best friends, great bond, feel like i could rell him anything, en vice versa too. Then the whole pandemic thing started, en because of that, i was able to hang out with him more, because we didn’t have school (we go to different schools), we hung out more n more, started hanging out alone with just him, instead of a group. And boom, u guessed it, feelings caught. Well we admitted it to each other pretty quickly, because we already had a pretty good bond. En well, feeling were mutual, was the first for me, cuz i never actually had anyone like me back haha. Aaand this the part where it kinda goes downhill. Went to his place pretty often for a while now, we did did all the stuff a normal couple would do… So i kinda wondered like… Shouldn’t… We… Maybe be one too? … Soo we talked abt it and he was a lil… hesitant(?) well… We technically both were… So some time passes… Like a month or something and we have the conversation again… Buuut this time, he explains why it can’t happen. He’s moving (out of the country) in 6-7 yrs for his masters degree and he doesn’t plan on coming back, pretty understandable, cuz the country i live in isn’t doing so well financially. Allot of people will be moving and studying abroad because of this reason, most, if not all of my friends. Some sooner than others. But anywho, the thing is, i won’t be going, me family doesn’t have the funds to send me. Soooo i will basically… Lose nearly everyone… Well i could still talk to them online, but they’ll surely have other friends too, there’s a 5 hr time zone difference, and i won’t be able to hang with em. Well… Back to the boy…he said he doesn’t wanna start anything cuz he’s moving away, and he wants me to still be able to date en find someone here, but we can still keep going with the romantic shenanigans, because he does like me, en he knows I do too. So we could just enjoy the years he still has here together, kinda like a friends with benefits situation in a way, or a situationship. At first i was fine with it, it could be fun, en i never actually experienced anything romantic (because im extremely shy, and have high standards i guess). But it kinda got a little… Tiring… Now… I get anxious alot… Over dumb things sometimes… Aaaand over this too… Heee could leave me any moment if he wanted to, or found someone else, he could basically do anything he wanted to… En i don’t have any right to get mad over that… It feels like im being too possessive, en i shouldnt be feeling this way. Then again, he is gonna leave at some point, sooner or later, and there’s rly nothing i can do abt it. Aaand that makes me even more anxious, because i am gonna lose him in a way, that’s certain, i cant change that. I’ve lost… Alot of… People and things in my life, en i don’t wanna… Really… Go through the feelings of losing someone again. It kinda scares me… Alot actually… So i resorted to the good ol “leave them before they leave me” mindset. I’ve avoided seeing him for more than 2 weeks now, bailed on him, wich also makes me kinda… Idk… Sad… Cuz he deserves better than this… So i told him about it,told him this makes makes me anxious, and im getting tired. And he said…its only been a few months, and he doesn’t wanna stop this… But if i wanna do it, we can go back to being just friends, alltho it would be hard for him… To get over it, and stop doing lovey dovey around me. So the thing is, i don’t rly kno what to do, i do like him, alot, and this is the first time i actually experienced this sorta thing. But at the same time, it’s making me extremely anxious too, i think about it constantly, and i cant sleep because of it sometimes. So… What do you think i should do, should i end this whole thing right now?, or should i just keep going.