Hey
So um I guess I’ll put everything out here.
14 days ago I lost my mum’s physical presence to cancer. We had been fighting it for 3 years.
Now the scenario is this way, I have a sister and dad. Sister is 7 years older than me. And I’m 18.
So there are people reaching out to us. But everyone who does only talks to them and not me. On top of that my communication skills are very bad.
Everytime someone comes home, like our neighbors, they only talk to my sister. Like I don’t even have my mom to comfort me and every moment makes me realise how alone I’m.
I’m trapped in this cycle where i feel bad for not talking to people and that it will always be this way. I’ll never be like my sister who has so many friends to look after her.
Somebody just guide me, tell me how to express myself, how to talk to people, how to let people comfort me.
Just tell me how to get out of this situation
Truly sorry for you loss. I don’t have words to console. Don’t think about why others are not sympathizing with you as well. You are so strong to be in touch with your feelings at this stage even. Just start writing here. Lots of people will come forward just to speak with you. I don’t know how you’ll get out of this situation but I can feel you already know in your heart that your mom is always with you. Never think anything which may upset her. I’m sure every step you’ll take in your life from now will be made with intention of making her the proudest of all.
heya
feeling very sorry for that
you can talk to me I’m here
I know this happens a lot and having fewer friends is not a problem and its your choice or actual behaviour if you try and talk more to people and after some time you may get bored by talking like that and it happens
so just be natural and good to people the rest will happen automatically
don’t try to be good forcefully because that’s not the real personality…maybe
we can talk about this more if you want…
Hey
I’m really sorry for such a grave loss that you’ve to overcome at such a prime age. No condolences or words from any goddamn dictionary can do justice to the intensity of what you’d be going through. Our prayers and good hopes to your family.
It is ok to be alone. Hell, I know extroverts with too many people surrounding them, who choose to stay alone during a loss like this. So it’s perfectly alright, each one of us deals with it in our own individualistic way. Be proud of that - of what your mom has made you to be. It would be not fair to her to compare yourself with your sister, or anyone else for that matter.
In order to feel comforted, my strong suggestion would be start small, start from home. If you haven’t already, please start expressing yourself first to your family - your dad & your sister. You feel your communication skills are bad, family would never judge or bother about that. They’ll understand you. This would give you some confidence. Moreover, this might make your family realize the importance of the support YOU need as well. Hopefully, they might begin looping you in whenever other pay a visit and offer warm words.
My strong and sincere suggestion would be to start communicating, in whatever possible manner. The situation you’re in - it’s normal to be at loss of words, don’t let your communication skills be a barrier to a brooding process. I say this because I know what it does to people 5-6yrs down the years. I was married to one such golden human being who lost a parent when he was young, never talked about, and that has changed him as a human being, and not in a good way.
I’m not an expert, but only someone who has a lot of empathy to offer. God bless!
Hey thank you so much for replying :)
No matter what I do or what I think, the thought of my sister being better than me never leaves my mind. Not only my sister but literally all of my friends. Seeing how good they’re doing in their lives and always continue to no matter what. And I know thinking this way isn’t good at all but it’s something I’ve been doing since my childhood and it’s very hard to let go of it. And now I’m at a point in my life where I have to decide which career path I’m going to take. Things really can’t be more tougher than this. But then there comes more, I’m average looking with short height , and then there’s my sister very pretty whose tall and nice.
Would you mind telling a lil about how it affected your husband? I know I’m asking too much but maybe listening someone else’s experience might help me a little.
