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c

Hey I just feel like sharing my feelings.

Idk where to begin with. Let’s go back to school a boy who is fat, physically weak and also having a weird english accent. In middle school things went haywire a teacher started picking on me due to my weird English accent which made the odd one out everyone didn’t talk to me and started making fun. Just because of how I spoke didn’t have much friends. After that year our class had a odd no of people meaning 1 person would sit without a partner and without a group.
That one person was me I tried talking to my classmates they would just call me a “Extra” and leave me out. Worst part was group projects no one would pick me at all. Bad times l just felt lonely and sad.
After I confronted why am i being called these names they told me I was not good enough to be with them so they asked me pretend to change my behaviour into something they like.
I was young 14 and desperate to make friends so I did that I felt so uncomfortable during that time.
High School was fine still pretending not being my original people started talking to me and being friendly but I could still sense that dislike towards me though made a couple of friends like 3 people but these 3 people never picked me in their group or went out to have any fun also never once texted me unless related to some school shit. I finished school somehow than I did something fucked up I left all my school chat groups and deleted all my social media became a got damn ghost. Though few contacted me felt so fake still I talked to them and pretend everything is normal. I feel like a alien so dumb and abnormal physically also mentally comparing myself to these so called friends they all seem so perfect with their life,education,looks,family and health. It seems so nice Fucking peer pressure .
During this shit face I am depressed,lonely,anxiety,sad,insecure, lack of emotions, felt heavy,insomniac and i still do I got problems. Didn’t have anyone to talk to family is a no go. A troubled marriage of my parents also constant quarrelling between them caused a bad relationship between the childs and parents.They pretend to be divorced yet they still stay together causing zero happiness in the house.Tried a forming a bond with my parents and me but it always falls apart. Never felt comfortable sharing these information with them. They always have high expectations of me and I always dissapoint them.
So all those feelings are crippled inside me I always try to stay positive and keep myself motivated but bad luck follows every fucking place. Causing a turmoil.
Bad luck basically runs my life.
I feel so emotionally and mentally drained.
Sometimes I wish something nice to happen to me.
Sorry if i typed a lot needed to clear my mind and heart.

5 Comments
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k

Hi,
Friend i can totally relate to your school life
Sitting alone,
No friends
Fat shamed
Physically weak
Bullied
Not picked up in group projects
Treated as extra
All of this i too have also gone through
My school life was pathetic…
I have very harrowing memories of my school life .
Yes the past hurts alot
It pricks really deep
I too have allowed my past to depress me alot
But u know what
It isnot worth it…
Dwelling in past is not worth at all
Because past can never change
But when we waste the present moments in thinking about past we are keeping our future at stake
Writing this out of personal experience
See friend
Ultimately your life is your own life…
You are senstive n emotional person
That is why you care so much for others…
But u know what…
While we think about others
We put all our energy,time n emotions in it
These others(so called friends or relatives) are busy making their own life
It our loss to give them priority
So pls take charge of your life
Just focus on making career
Focus on doing something u like
Something which is your passion…
Focus on self…
Forget the ppl around you
Live life on your terms
See how gradually everything will set right…
Befriend urself
Pamper urself
Keep urself happy
Do what your heart wants…

Good luck…
More power to you…
You are stronger than you know…

You can do alot in ur life n you will do alot just keep 100% faith in urself
Permit noone to hurt u
Dnt expect anything from anyone…
Take care.

c

Thanks for those kind words

ayna

Hey…you have to be strong… don’t let your past get to uh I know how hard it might be for uh… I totally understand…but u can’t let them effect uh!!!if you’ll live your life according to their ways then what about uh?have u ever asked youself what do u need?what do u want to do vth ur life?the best motivation u can get is stand infront of a mirror look at yourself,look at how you are,look at all the things u have went through in past and then go wash your face and come back and Now look at yourself see how strong you’re,you have got through that phase of your life vthout anyone by your side you can again get through it only if you’ll keep motivating yourself speak vth the inner u,if u don’t have any1 to talk,get the stronger person in you,fight off,and make all of them realise that who they have really messed up…

Stay strong ❤️

c

Hey thanks for the kind words

Anonymous

see i have been like that too even thought i was fat iwas ugly and not so smart i have been always travelled no matter what people say they will be with u today not forever ignore them and try to improve personality as much as u can cause people give importance to physical fitness too so be healthy and never lose hope cause i am ugly too i am trying to create the best version of myself