Hey! Hope you all are doing good.
I got married a few months back and before
marrying the guy (arranged marriage) he told me
about his past. He has a kid from another woman
which as he says, was a mistake and he told the
woman to not keep it because he was just 22
years old but she still chose to keep the baby.
Now that he is 32 and we got married, idk its
difficult for me to accept the reality. Not that the
kid lives with him or something, but he takes care
of the kid financially and on the other hand, we
are struggling financially. When its time for our
honeymoon, i, who was very sure of not spending
our honeymoon in our home country, still chose
to stay back and go to some nearby city because
he told me very clearly that we are not in the
position to spend that much money and i did
support him. Not just the honeymoon, but even if
i want to buy anything which is worth more than
rs1000, he’ll remind of the money problems. But
now, he says that his son needs furniture and he
just said to me very normally that he will have to
spend 50-70k ATLEAST. Whenever its about his
kid, he doesn’t think of the money. I mean, idk
how i should feel about it. Whenever he talk about
the kid idk i just dont feel good. I am not a mean person but I’ve never had all these feelings
before.
Please suggest me what i should do about this
situation and my feelings.
Had these been your same thoughts if the kid would had been yours after marriage? Guy deserves immense respect. You on the other hand are just selfish as you are the second priority in this arrangement. But no matter how mean you are the guy is a gem and he will be so for this kid and the kid he might have with you. We need more people like him in the society. Feel bad for the guy he married you. You should be more supportive and be more mature.
Easy for you to say. One shall see if their thoughts and feeling still stays the same if they’re not the priority of their husband/wife. I mean i got married a few months back. Its not even a year yet. Not even 6 months! OFCOURSE i will feel bad! I have no problem with the kid and I’ve accepted the kid to be a part of his life before our marriage. But the guy told me I’ll have to face no consequences because of his situations. And here i am, going on my honeymoon with the money my dad gave because my husband can’t spend much money on me.
You just got married 6 months, compared to 10 yr kid. You just want to hog the love to yourself. Dear, give it some time. If you continue on this path, it’s only you who will bear the burns of it. The guy is very clear and sorted in his priorities. You have to invest time into this relationship and earn the amount of love you are just expecting. Money is temporary, yours, his, your father, his father etc does not matter. At the end the feeling matters. If you continue on the same path considering that little kid as your love competitor you will make things difficult for yourself too. You haven’t accepted the kids it’s just your imagination that you have accepted the kid but if you feel so much jealousy towards the kid, the guy doing something for the kid as compared to your honeymoon you haven’t accepted the reality till now. In this race if you don’t accept that the kid is No.1 priority you will loose the race and your marriage. Apologies for my harsh words but this me putting things as clearly for you as possible. I am open to hearing your thoughts.
Which 10 year old kid needs furniture?
I think you are reacting in a normal and common way.
Maybe just mention that you would like the same equality for your child (when it happens).
Please ignore unhelpful comments and good luck with your journey.
Sending support…
Hey it’s totally normal ya whatever you are feeling , like u knew about this before?
