hey HI guys, how are you feeling today??

well, i'm here to share a thing that is in my mind for long years.
That is I'm in love with my aunt for a long time. 
once i expressed this to her, but she angrily left the place. 
She is not even talking to me now, Pls tell me some ideas to cool her down. ❤️
and Make her love me. This is a true love guys. not just lust like others.  
I am loving her for 8 years even she hates me.. ❤️
i wanna make love with her all the time ❤️
pls help me..


(Note: She is already married ❤️)

Hey! I can just say that given her age and marital status, it might be extremely inappropriate for you to go ahead with this. I, myself, am not the best person to advice you on this. Is there anything else I can help you with?

Family

I have gone through sexual assault when I was 13. I never knew I was traumatized by it way too much until like 2 to 3 hours before. I want to get over it. Can someone help me with it???

Anxiety

A few years ago on new years morning , the man i thought was meant to be family. What a disguise, that man molested me in my own nanas house. 
The feeling was terrible I cannot even begin to explain it the thoughts that were running through my head except for the urge to scream but not being able to say or do anything.
The loudest silence.
No matter how much i was struggling and screaming in my head nothing was stopping, i couldnt stop what was happening.
he pinned had me pinned down , breathing heavily on top of me with no expression on his face whatsoever. 
it was as if he was possessed idk how to explain it.
he was groping my breasts , kissing my neck and tried to kiss me on the lips. his hands began going down my thighs and thank gosh the night before i wore pants underneath my dress or else who knows what would've happened.
i tried pushing him, dodging his face everytime it came near to mine but he wasn't budging a single bit.  
he began grinding on me , and i felt paralysed my body wasn't moving no matter how much i wanted it to.
all i could think was, why is this happening to me? is it my fault ? did i do something to make him do this to me?
it was the most traumatic experience of my life.
after that moment, he just stops and opens the door and leaves as if nothing happened. i sit up and try process what just happened, so i go sit  outside to avoid him. 
his wife (my aunty) was in the same house as us but she was sleeping and all i wanted to do was run over to her and tell her what just happened but i was overcome by fear.

as i sat outside , tears poured down uncontrollably i just could not stop crying.

later on that my dad came and our extended we all planned to go beach.  this man had the audacity to go into the same car as my dad , and my stomach couldn't handle iit so i said i'd wait for my cousins to come get me. 

REWIND  2 years...

After bawling my eyes out to my parents, they did nothing. They let that man stay in my life. Despite him being in a different country, he was still somewhat allowed to enter my life. 

I've secretly held this grudge against my family for it. I've been so angry at them nothing sees past my anger.

I've always wanted to tell them how angry and disappointed i was at them for letting it slide.

I haven't been the same for awhile, sometimes i just wanna kill myself. The pain is unbearable sometimes, i struggle to sleep having to relive that moment continuously in my head. i feel like life has been so unfair.

I was molested many times and one of the people was my best friend 
Also one time a person tried to undress me in public and he almost did 

Okay so today a funny thing happened to me. But first of all, I have a question to all of you, to those who are reading this right now, When you enter a shop, it doesn't matter whether it's a small or a big shop, when you enter, how you call the shop owner,- uncle/dada/bhaiya, so Today I went to a small shop, and I didn't see the shop owner, I called him uncle and when I saw him, he was a teenager 😂🙂...Idk he was laughing, Idk whether he was laughing at me or not. I told everything to my parents, they said to avoid calling uncle, but I'm just 18 years old. And why I get awkward when I have to call the shop owner with whatever....can it be because I'm an introvert? 😥🤧

3am Thoughts

Hi 
I'm a girl, I wouldn't like to share my name or any details but I've been facing something really bad since i was 7. My own **brother**, who was 8 that time, started **sexually** **abusing** me, as I was a child he **threatened** me so that I couldn't say anything to anyone. He **raped** **me** many times, like really I, I'm feeling like I should die 
Even 2-3 months ago, he tried to  strangled me while he lose his control when I push him back while arguing but then he realized that parents were downstairs so he left me 
I tried to tell my mother but she went angry on me, like I didn't told her anything clearly but only that, he chocked me 
Now as I didn't succeed in telling anyone else, now I'm deciding to kill me and also I'm weak enough that I can't even die, I need help
Thankyou:)

Emotional Abuse

Very long rant.
TW // Murder and blood mention
Today I had a dream I believe it's a message, can't really say from who. It has been draining me all day and the headache that it caused me was quite painful. 
It causes me tiredness even to write this down, but I know I have to sort my thoughts now that is all fresh. Writing always makes me feel better afterwards.

The dream started with me and my big sister in an uknown apartment, when suddenly a boy I never saw in my life and that is not less than 20 yo entered. My big sister, MC, stabbed him out of the blue. Next thing I know, I was pressured to hide the body and his things; my mind was accelerated thinking of ways to clear the scene and from the nervousness of getting caught. I was saying to my sister that it might be not too late to save him, we have time to take him to the hospital; she was reluctant about it, saying there was no other way. I was throwing his things in the trash, and looking at him I was saying sorry repeteadly; he barely clinging to life kept saying it was ok. He was so calm... then the settings changed to one of my houses, specifically the one I was living with my big sister for a while. It was dark, only a yellow light coming from the right was on and my sister and his bf were in front of me. They were big. I couldn't see any of their faces because of the darkness but I surely knew who they were. I can't quite remember what I said here, but I guess it was something to do with the murder. MC said to me if I wasn't in comfort living there I could go to my other house with my mom, was staying or leaving. Funny thing was that she was re-arranging furtniture while she spoke and she putted up a photo of my mom and dad. Even crying I choosed to say because I did not want to come back to the life I was under my mom's, but in the end I gave up and ran back home. It was a very dark night. Once I came to the house, there she was; my mom was in the kitchen, like usual. My other sister was in the living room, studying with a friend.
I went to my mom crying like hell was falling upon me. She was my mom but she had a tattoo on her back of a colorful bird surrounded by branches with white flowers on them, odd but not quite since she always said she wanted a tattoo there to cover her big mark there. That's when the dream became scarily real, never felt something like that ever in my life. I truly believed that was my reality. I explained to her through tears that my sister murdered someone and I helped her hide the body, and my mom just kept saying it was ok. Then I started screaming and crying so hard so bad, I have to admit it was a relief because I wish I could do that in real life. My sister didn't say anything, she was in shock truly.
Then I realized I was dreaming. I was still crying and saying I wanted to wake up I was pleading to wake up. Closed and opened my eyes but nothing, received a punch but still nothing. I was really shakened up and desperate, believing that it wasn't a dream. Silly as it sounds my mom said "just trust god. pray now". Closed my eyes one more time, putted my hands together and gathered all my force to ask to wake up. Kid you not I felt myself waking up and it was... something.
I went up thanking god and started crying like crazy. My mom went to comfort me, I told her everything. I was vulnerable in front of her for a long time and I hugged her like three times, which is not something that's me to do and honestly I'm quite upset to do so. I still have quite a resentment and some anger towards her accumulated from all the years of living under this house with her and I don't really like showing myself vulnerable, yet I was there doing so.
It just had me thinking... I have my reasons to feel what I feel and think what I think, I know this resentment has been killing me inside for years and sadly it became bigger. This dream putted in perspective the moment I had to choose who to live with and I went to live with my big sis for a while, but in the end I had to come back to live with my mother since my sister grew tired of me. I putted things black and white back then but after that I saw my family for what it was... a big bullshit.
I admired my big sister and looked up to her more than anyone, it really crushed me how she didn't care about what I had to say and just made me go back to what is my house now. She even sent me a "friend" to look after me because she really thought I was going to kill myself. What a fucking joke. 
Anyways... here we are. Here I am in this complicated situation. Can't really change the past and I don't want to, it shaped me and it made me realize and see things. The only thing constantly holding me back and making me fall back into bad habits it my inhability to forget emotionally what happened and my big resentment of my pain and experience never been acknowledged properly. I wanted my mom to finally understand my version of things, apologize and work for better. I don't want anything more. I thought I never would forgive her after going through so many disappointments, but I'm even willing to give her a 3rd? 4th? chance... yet she failed to me, couldn't reach that. Saying things that I'm being delusional, I was manipulated, constantly saying her depression and anxiety makes her sometimes act like that which I can understand that justification but I can't stand her not really doing anything else to compensate it for herself or for us and just victimazing herself, saying my sister is batshit crazy and that she's narcissistic... I can go on but not point to it.
Still, kept blaming her for all the shit I've been through but even if some of the reasons are her fault the real culprit here is me. I have to own for what I did and the actions I took and take, can't leash everything to one person or even to all my family; can say I took that from a recent living experience and became clear in that dream I had...
What to do honestly... things like these makes me think I'm really delusional and exaggerated.
Some truth of what my mother said is that her good actions do have some weight to compensate the bad ones, I don't expect a parent to be perfect at all. I just wish she could stop repeating the same story to everyone and herself and she could actually listen. And about my sister... can't really say. She straight up shitted me, yet I still cling to her a little so I can't bring myself to have any anger towards her. I think is because with her I was more free and I could feel her care for me more directly ig, very selfish from me isn't it? Emotional maturity hasn't striked me yet.
I still don't go of this resentment because I letted it go once and it came back to me even worse. I depend emotionally on it basically I depend on my mother, in a good and a very bad way. Which sucks to realize. It falls to me the reality of my "independency" which I never truly achieved it yet. 
I'm trying not to have shame on my actions and really own them as best and constructively as I can. I admit my affection today towards her was real, I feel shame for the fact I don't think she deserves it since it feels like I accepted completly what she said of everything and say she was right all along giving her less space and more authority of me. I feel shame for the fact that if I had the option I would live with my sister again even after I know she is not genuine as she portrays and I would still have to come back to my mom anyways.
I said earlier this was a message from angels or spirit guides right? To be honest I can't figure out what are they really trying to tell me, I can take different interpretations ig... I don't believe the bullshit of everything black and white in the situation of Who's the worst, they both have their goods and bads. Maybe is because things are starting to go south with money and now festivities are starting to approach, the worst dates of the year...
As for now I will just let things flow as they come. I have to form courage to take action otherwise I won't survive the world out there lmao.

***Trigger Warning***
Hello, this might be a long story but it's something that I've been keeping to myself all these years and it's getting harder to live with it weighing down my shoulders. If anyone who reads this has some advice for me, I'd be really grateful.
It's been 9 years since my dad touched me in his sleep. I was 11 then and my family lived in a small apartment so we had to share a bed. One night, my mom was finishing up the laundry while I lay down next to my dad. He was already asleep so I just lay there next to him and tried to sleep as well. Suddenly, I felt hands touching and fondling my chest and thigh and I remember turning my head to look at my dad who still had his eyes closed while his hands were on me. I didn't dare move, though I don't remember why. I was still so young and knew close to nothing about the situation I was in. All I knew was that what was happening to me was not right and if I told anyone, there would be major consequences. I woke up the next day and everyone acted like nothing happened. I remember observing my dad and he acted so normal and carefree that I just knew he didn't know what he did the night before. That was the first and last time I was ever touched in that way. I don't remember how long it lasted. It felt like an eternity as I lay there nervous and scared, waiting for it to end, but in reality it probably only lasted close to 5 minutes. Those 5 minutes changed my life forever. After that one night, my entire personality and relationship with my family shifted. Instead of my carefree little miss sunshine self, I became closed off and would always opt to be alone. I rarely spoke to my parents unless it was necessary and being alone with either of them was too hard for me. People started to worry about me and my sudden shift but in the end, they probably just decided that I was going through a phase that most kids at that age do. A lot of time has passed since then and my relationship with my parents has arguably gotten better- I talk to them more now and can spend quality time with each parent individually. But it still does not change the fact that I was unintentionally molested by own father. Until now, I have never ever spoken of it with anyone. I never told my dad in fear of absolutely destroying our already damaged relationship (damaged to me but I'm sure it's not damaged to him). I never told my mom for obvious reasons; she would freak out and that would definitely have serious consequences on my parents' relationship. I never told anyone else, especially people that my family is close with, in fear of ruining my dad's reputation. My father is the nicest man I know, it was just an extremely unfortunate time for me to be laying next to him in bed while he was probably having a wet dream. 
All that being said, I've been keeping this whole story bottled up to myself to protect the ones I love. However I can't deny that it's been eating away at me slowly but surely. Now that I'm 20, I'm wondering if this unpleasant experience will pose a problem when I get intimate in the future (I've been single my entire life and have never gotten intimate with anyone). Typing this out helped me a lot already and I feel like I can breathe again. Thank you for reading my story.

Relationships

It takes discipline to not to touch the screen. 

Sharing Our Innermost Thoughts