Hey everyone, it’s been a while since I’ve spoke on here. How are you guys doing? I’ll start off by saying : 1. this is going to be pretty long, and 2. if anyone wants use this thread as a place to vent, feel free to, I’ll respond (:
So, theres a couple of things thats been on my mind. This is going to sound so stupid, but I think I’m bout to get addicted to drugs. Prescription drugs, specifically hydrocodone. Why? Well, if anyone does read my stuff, I’ve been feeling pretty empty these past few months. I’ve been wanting to feel something. Cutting myself is not really doing it anymore. I just feel like I’m creating pointless scars on my arm. Ever since I was about 13, I used to take Nyquil or Benadryl when I didnt feel like being around my family to put me to sleep, and I havent stopped doing that either. But one day I just went into the medicine cabinet and started looking around and saw prescription drugs. Started reading the labels and saw that some of them put you to sleep. The first one was hydrocodone. It said take 1-2 so I took 2 since I’m being and thought 1 wouldnt work for me. Man when I tell you, it felt so good. It felt like I was high. Just floating in my bed. I felt at peace. Like I wasnt sad or mad or happy but I was fine. At peace. It felt so good. So I started taking them when I didn’t work to get that high feeling. Idk why but to me it felt better than smoking weed. It was a different kind of high. Anyways, I ended up running out started to get highly irritated. It was like I couldn’t sleep without taking those pills (they were my prescription btw, I just never finished the bottle when I got them). I couldn’t feel that same peace no matter what I did. All I know is that I wanted to keep feeling that high. So, I rummaged through my fathers pills, he has a lot of problems with him and his pain tolerance is high so the doctors always prescribe him a higher dose of medicine than the average person. I feel so ashamed, but I needed them. I found some of his oxycodone and did my research. Saw they were both opioids so I figured it would give me the same high, which it did. Felt amazing. Anyways, went through that bottle and took his hydrocodone. I’m at my last four pills, and my tolerance is getting high so I started taking 4 at a time instead of 2. I know this is going to make me sound like a fucking crazy person. But now the only thing I can think of is where I can get other pills. Can I get them off the black market? Do my friends know anyone who sells pills (they’re all potheads so they know people)? And now, the most horrible thought a daughter could probably have, I wish my dad would go to the hospital so he can get prescribed more pills. As I type this, i feel so awful. But the urge for the pills is much stronger than anything I’ve felt before, and I dont want to let go. If anyone has read this and has gone through something similar, can you help please? I dont want to be a fucking drug addict, but the feeling those pills give me is better than any feeling I’ve ever felt for my 22 years being here. Thank you for listening.
Pankaj Kumar @crazyguy3495
Prescribed drug is so much addictive rather than normal drugs like weed and it is really brave thing that you open up yourself and yup well you are addictive to something you wanted that no matter what cost so look you know it that is bad deep down inside you completely know that things you are stuck it bad and it is early age and in recent times doctors prescribed medicines so that patient get sleep and also overcome anxiety issue it is like shortcut but listen you can’t go anywhere with it and you need to disclose this to someone whom you can trust because later it will become a great issue for you look I don’t wanna hurt you or anything but it is truth and you need to face this before it too late I hope you understand and feel free to share anything
Thank you for your input. I appreciate it. Again I know I sound so stupid…but I dont want to tell anyone because I dont really want to stop. Like I know I need to cause its going to be a huge issue for me in the future, but I dont want to stop. This is the only thing thats been making me feel okay and I dont want to go back to what I used to feel.
Pankaj Kumar @crazyguy3495
C’mon most of times we feel better when we do wrong things it’s again chemical things if u study it than it dopamine that our brain produce when we do something that gives us joy or something that makes us nervous it is all about chemistry I know it sound stupid if I push you to do something but I can give you some inside and when we do good things our brain never reward us maybe good things are boring but deep down we know the truth and we know what we need to do so sometimes we ignore that voice and do that gives us pleasure instant so there is a cycle of these things look right things or truthful things gives us very generous rewards but we need to struggle with ourself and someone said me once we r here to better not for getting pleasures I don’t wanna ruin your pleasure or whatever I just wanna tell you truth and truth is simple and it remain same as it and hey you deserve better and you are better human just try to find right way
thank you very much (:
