Hello, my name is Burak,
Im 17 and will be 18 on July 4th. I love movies, I like playing video games, reading books and and I love philosophy and history.
I have depression for 5 years now. When it started, I didnt want to realize, that I had a mental illness. I was 13 years back then. I thought that this feeling was normal and that it would go away. But it didnt. Never. It lasted a few years until I came to the conclusion that I have depression and that my mental state is not normal. Im feeling sad, hopeless, numb and angry. Sometimes Im full of hatred, and I just want to see the world burn. I just want the world to feel what I feel. I want to avenge myself even though there is no reason. The world didnt do anything to me, but I still want to hurt it, sometimes. I have no perspective. Im hopeless and Im not waiting for a better time. Nothing will be better. I lost that hope a long time ago. Even though I will be 18 in a few weeks, I have the feeling that Ive seen everything. I have the feeling that I can go now and I want to. Sometimes I cant live longer. I cant make it another day. The most of the time Im feeling sad. Of course I do laugh sometimes, but the happieness goes away within seconds. I just cant. I dont know what to do. Last week I went to my therapist for the first time and I dont think that it will be better. I have this feeling that it wont. Im crying right now. Im letting it all out. I dont care anymore. Nothing cares me. I just want my redemption. I want to destroy everything. I want them to feel what I feel. I want them to suffer.
There is no hope
There is no bright future
There is just loneliness
and pain
Hey Burak 🌼
This is what i felt when i was your age. But eventually as i got into a cllg and started focusing on myself, i overcome my depression. I still get anxiety attacks sometimes but that doesnt stop me from achieving what i want to.
See Burak, maybe this covid situation is making u feel more bad about it. Maybe going out for a holiday or doing things u loved as a child would help you (they can be as silly as playing with mud or in the rain)
I hope it helps. Pls reply if u want to share more 🌼🌼
I don’t think you’ll want to do that.
You haven’t seen it all.
There are a thousand pkaces you haven’t being to.
Thousand people you haven’t met and who are looking forward to meeting you.
Hold on a little longer.
And try to believe that everything will get better
Hey Burak. You are very very young and you have a whole life ahead of you and I promise you it is beautiful. You haven’t even seen 10% of how nice and beautiful it is out there. I know life can be hard. I am proud of you that you decided to take therapy. I promise you it will work. You just have to give it some time. Have a little faith in the world and a little in yourself. Just take one day at a time. I promise you there is so much out there for you to explore.
