Hello. Is there someone I could talk to about something? 

It's about something traumatic thay had happened to me. 

When I was a kid. 6 y.o  my half brother (different brother) did something to me. At first I thought we were just playing and it was normal to do smthng like that. It was when I am 8 y.o to figure out that there is something wrong. I was too afraid to speak up thinking na my brother might hurt me if I do so that's why it keeps on happening till I was 15 y.o.
Yes. I endured that long. Until my cousin found out and i thought this is it i will be free but she did not believe me completely. She acted like that did not happened, like she didn't knew. And then my sister knew about it also and decided to separate me and brought me to her place and i was so thankful that had happened. 

My sister told my mother and you know what? My mother didn't believed me. It hurts to know that my own mother didn't believe me. That time i really wanted to end my life. I want to restart my life. I was disgusted of my self and I regret not speaking up before. 

Thay traumatic even greatly affect me. To the way i interact witb others and also my emotions. I developed anxiety and anger issues. I have insomnia because of overthinking what had happened to me. 

I keep on having dreams about "that" idk i just randomly thought about dying. You know i just wanted to die because im so tired of facing everyone with a smile knowing that i am really not happy. I am tired of facing those people who have hurt me. Especially my mother who did not believe me. 

There are times when i just can't feel anything except sadness. Like extreme sadness to the point that I may lose my self anytime. 

Those traumatic years i tell no one. I just keep it to my self and cry everytime it happens and that sucks. Until now i just cry everytime i think about it. 

I'm afraid that I won't be able to handle this anymore. Eventhough there is someone who's here for me i can't stop myself from thinking and feeling lost. 

I hope so. I keep telling that to myself but i really can't help it. 

I guess it's much easy to share this here rather than to my friends. I am embarrassed i know i should not be but that's what it is. I am afraid they might judge me. 

Afraid of being judge by is also one of my reason why I didn't speak up. I am ashamed by the fact that people would know what my own brother did to me. 

There's this one time when i starved myself for a day just because I am angry to my mother and to my other relatives. Idk of it's normal to hurt myself whem I am angry towards other people but that's just how i deal with myself sometimes. 

Thank you. That's a relief to know. Reading your comforts might help me survive this night again 

Can you recommend something that would help me from overthinking everything? 

Watch a good movie maybe, or talk with a person with whom you have a good understanding will surely help :)

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