Hello.
I was diagnosed with BPD 2 yrs back and that too the doctors didnât bother telling me or my parents. They just wrote it on my prescription and out of curiousity i read it later, searched about it and asked my doctor then.
Yesterday, i also attended a support group/interactive session hosted and organized by Indiaâs 1st BPD community⊠and so many of my questions got answered.
But today after long i actually noticed a very swift mood swing ie weird to comprehend.
Just 3 hours back, after a trigger with my dad, following my parentsâ abuse and gasligting, denial and emotional unavailibity since 4-5 years and even now, i was almost suicidal.
No i didnât do anything, but i just called up my mami and one emotional support volunteer(not professional), and they heard me out. I somehow dried my tears after crying for long, i was so fragile then and went for a bathe, felt good tooâŠ
My mama and mami in mumbai , who had unconditionally without a second thought offered me to come to mumbai to their home since 2 days as i am alone here in a pg. I felt so seen.
i even found about the ticket prices from my TA, but was unsure about going to Mumbai as i didnât want to burden them .(You know the feeling after abuse/neglect/trauma , we begin to feel guilty for holding space, and my dad himself told me stuff, though he apologized for it)
And then today, as i came out from my bathe, my mama-mami called me and told why delay going to mumbai, as it is iâm alone in Gurgaon pg so my mama is booking my ticket.
I felt elatedâŠlike someone unconditionally loves me without judging and understands.
My mami so sweetly told me not to worry and that i should pack for Mumbai and go with a calm mind that iâm going there for a vacation.
I felt really nice and suddenly felt so much strength within me . i felt so much strength and motivation.
But i feel also feel tad bit numb within?
But guess itâs also normal that after a good refreshing long shower, self care, water, ac, and having someone hak/right se call you without quarms, think so sweet and positive âŠto get a flush of strength and motivation is only normal too na!
Perhaps iâm just overly critically judging myself for being motivated and happy, of feeling their loveâŠand i am not used and it and havnât felt such sponatneous love off late. May be that is just making me happy and giving me so much strength. and power.
With so much gratitude and love for them, i hope i am able to feel, be human and grow through this. đđđđ
Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD)
If you have BPD, everything feels unstable: your relationships, moods, thinking, behaviorâeven your identityâŠ
And as per me its really common between our generationâŠalot of people is suffering from it and still doesnât have idea about itâŠ
Iâm really glad you put a concern over this disorder
And you motivate many people around youâŠmore power to youâŠkeep fighting!!!
