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Anonymous

Hello i m in relationship from past 5 years
Hm sath m khush the sb kuch perfect type tha
But jb hme 2 saal hue tb meri ek cousin ne mujhe blackmail kra ki jsa m bolri hu vsa ni kra to ghr pr bta dungi at that time i was 18 nd just passed my 12th so i said ok tell me
She said call ur bf nd tell him u have brain tumor as a prank nd i did what she said atlast i said him ki operation h n all i can’t talk etc etc nd my cousin didn’t let me talk to him for 20 days nd she used to tell him that ya ur gf is doing great n all and now my guilt was killing me so i tell him truth after 3 years
He is still with me loves me understands me but now he dont trust me nd jha trust ni vha respect b ni
Mentally bht torture hua h vo is sb se but ab b pyar bht krta h to breakup ni chahta
Bt relation ajeeb ho chuka h m kya kru khudse breakup krlu ya chije thik kse kru kse trust jitu

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14 replies
@yellowbench
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Hey .
Sometimes it’s fun for us but not for the person on the other side and 20 days too long and revealing it after so long more hurting, you never the amount of genuine prayers he made for you.
Ask your cousin to say to him and genuinely apologize to him and try to get back his trust. It will not happen in a day or month it will take time show you were genuine but it was a situation created by someone else not by you. Trust is something that you have to.build , try not break that. Respect is needed without respect its not at all worth it
I hope everything turns out fine for you .

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Anonymous
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Now all he do is sometimes loves me but 60 70% he make me feel gulity abuse me
When i did all that i was in so much pressure i was crying all day
Those 20 days were worst days of my life

@yellowbench
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Abuse , does it means words or actions. Have you apologized to him

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Anonymous
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We are in long distance abuse means words
I have apologised to him several times
Sometimes i tried to leave him to bcz he deserve way better than this shit but i m so week , he means everthing to me
Now he dont respect me not even 10% but he loves me
No one can love me like he do

@yellowbench
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I believe he who respect his partner respect himself. If he can’t respect you, you will also lose respect for him. You can’t love him everyday but you respect him.
If respect is not there then it will create issues of genuinity and trust.
I believe talk about it set your boundaries clear leave the past behind you bring newness to your relationship

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Anonymous
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He isn’t ready to leave the past behind
Sometimes he says its not your fault nd on other hand he just say u spoiled everything u r worst i dont trust u
Kuch kuch bate iti hurt hoti h bt glti meri h to lgta h ki sun ne k ilava koi option hi ni h
He said tujh jsi ldki kuch b kr skti h
Vo har bat m har chij m us past bich m lata h
He dont have frnds where he live so i have no issue if he use online apps to make frnds or else i just trust him

@yellowbench
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I think you should take a break a from him if you can’t bear with his hurtful words. I know its hard but be selfish for a while take a break from and do tell him you do need a break from all of it. How long it’s upto you and he doesn’t want because it doesn’t make sense for him so just explain the things going in your head and heart.
Just be with some good friends around, know your worth and after a deep thought. Set new ground rules for relationships and work on it. If at all this turns out in big fight. Make him you will fight for this relationship if you guys ready to make changes from your side and work on it

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Anonymous
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I m ready to work but he dont talk to me in serious way
He just say dikat h to chli ja
Ya complaint ni kr
But he make changes for me
I seriously don’t understand
He just notice only negative things of everything and whenever i say ki why so negative
He simply say tujhe sikha h
Har bat mzak lgti h use
Or mujhe vo bate vo chije words hurt krte rhte h dimag m ghumte rhte h
M kse use smjhau kya kru plz tell

@yellowbench
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You should ask him is really interested in keeping this relationship?
And tell to him how you feel about the relationship and does he sees you in the same way as he used to 5 years back.
Let him know that you are ready to make things work, but if he is the same you also have to be turn your back.

Ask yourself is it all worth it as you see you are not getting anything in return from this relationship, I know 5 years is long time but still if you feel like you’re not happy anymore with relationship after trying to make it work if still it’s the same.
Do you think you want to take more further in your life

Ask him how he sees the relationship in present and future? What he wants from it ?

Do you meet him often or it’s a long distance relationship?

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Anonymous
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We met 2 3 times in a year
But from last October to this march we met several times like more than 15 times
When ever i ask him do u feel about me he simply say tune same rhne layak choda hi kaha
He keep mixing that past mistake
He dont want me to go
Neither he is ready to make changes , efforts anything
He said jo chlra shi to h or iti dikat h to chli ja
Bcz use pta h i cant leave him
I seriously dont want to loose him
I dont want ki feelings chnge ho jaye mujh m isliye i keep doing efforts but i dont knw about him
And if glti se m breakup ka bol do reply aata h ok jao niklo
Nd thn call krta h thode tym m jse nthing happened

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Anonymous
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He blames me for everything
Tune issue bnaya agr chahti to ni bnati

@yellowbench
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Do you think it’s not a relationship works being a good fighter in a relationship is okay but have to be good at forgiving too
It work either forgive and forget to move forward or forgive the mistake making it the realize and making it up
If he is so not concerned with break up I think he knows you can’t that’s the upper hand their.
But yeah just let him know bringing up past issues doesn’t sound like mature partner in a relationship so stop.doing that
You did a mistake , you realize and will not happen again don’t bring it up at every other time.

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Anonymous
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Hello again, things are much better between us thankyou so much
Now the problm is that usne tb ghr pr apne parents ko bta diya tha ki my gf is going through that operation of tumour (which was prank as i earlier explained)
Now what should i tell to them ?
Agr vo sch btata h ki ye sb kuch hua hi ni tha to uske parents kbhi khush ni rhege mere sath
Trust ni krege mujh pr lifetime us bat se judge krege
But agr ni btate h unhe truth thn what if vo just bato bato m mere parents se discuss krle ya bolde ye bat that ki aapki beti vo tumour tha na kaha operate kraya etc etc
Thn to or b complicate ho jayega even meri family ki side se bhi
Please again need your help

@yellowbench
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Happy to hear…if bow the issue is trust between your family I think you have to talk his family with him saying it was a prank he took it seriously so it all happened but I think it was a child’s play which went a little far and you never thought it would cost a relationship so say a genuine sorry and leave rest I think they are much older they will understand ND moreover everyone was young one day…we do mistakes but learn and move forward

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