Hello, I am bisexual and I recently fall in love to my friend who can never love me back because he is a straight guy(not that I confirmed it my self but he seemed like one because he has a girlfriend). I want to tell him my feelings, that I am happy with him, that I admire his personality but aside from I do not have the courage to tell him, I feel like it is a problem if I confessed because he is taken. Also, I think our friendship would not work anymore if I confessed without being awkward to each other. Please help me out on how can I remove this feelings for him.
Xyz @aamisha
Hey. I think if you value your friendship this much, that you don’t wanna put that into jeopardy no matter what, then it’s the best you lose your feelings for him. And that’s extremely difficult if you’re with him all the time.
Hence you could start by maintaining some distance, you could try focusing on something which takes your mind off him(something as serious as studies and career to something as light as sports). But you’ll have to give it sometime and I’m sure you’ll be able to do it. I hope I could help :)
Thank you for giving me an honest advice. Actually, I tried ignoring him for like a week just to shake off my feelings for him and during that time, He’s like saying “Just say to me if you don’t want to play games with us anymore.” in a humorous manner. I felt guilty so I failed to make some distance and the feelings for him that I want to remove is still here. I tried meeting new people but no luck I just couldn’t help myself but to compare them to him. And I realized that I don’t want to be selfish by using other people just to shake off this feeling. Currently, I bought a ukulele and tried focusing my attention to it hoping that one day, I would become just like before that can sleep comfortably without thinking what he’s doing.
Xyz @aamisha
Hey, I can understand and honestly I’m very proud of you for buying the ukulele and for trying to divert you mind. If you really wanna do it, trust me it’ll happen for you. You’re strong enough, you got this. Don’t be so harsh on yourself, such things do take time. But they’re not impossible!!
I’m bisexual too, and yeah, I know how incredibly complicated it can be navigating feelings (especially romantic ones) towards friends (especially of the same gender). I don’t know your exact situation, so I may be a bit off, but there are a few ways you could go about it.
A. Just tell him how you feel.
Now this is not usually the best option, but it’s important that you know it is an option. Yes, it’s a bit of a long shot that your friend will feel the exact same way, but people are a lot more accepting than you would think, and it would be a weight off of your chest. That being said, it would probably change your friendship for better or worse, and could make it awkward between you and him.
B. Don’t.
If you’re going to do it this way, and truly think this is the best option, then it’s important that you stop thinking of it as “removing” your feelings for him. Even if you aren’t romantically attracted to him anymore (which would be your goal if you choose this option), you’re still going to have feelings for him-he’s your friend, and you like being around him. So really the best way to do this is to find someone else you want to date, and focus on them as your romantic partner, and try to think of him more as your friend. It can also help to try to stop imagining what it would be like to date him or kiss him or…this probably isn’t helping. Sorry.
Those are really the two binary choices, you’ll either do a or b, but there are ways that can halo you decide which one to choose.
C.
If you’re aiming to make option a happen, or you just have to know before you choose b, you can tell him you’re bi, but not that you have feelings for him. Since you guys are close, he’ll most likely be totally cool about it, and from there you can use sneaky ways of finding out if he would ever date a guy, like (this ones my favorite) talking about a problem or stereotype you don’t like about bisexual people, and then ask “What would you do if you were in my shoes?” or “What would you do if you were bi?” It’s subtle AND it gets him thinking about it.
Wow. I just realized how long this is, and I should probably stop. I’d be happy to talk with you more if you want, on here, email, or anything else, let me know. Good luck!
Thank you for your advice. I really appreciate it. The people who only know that I am bisexual are those people who asked me my gender Identity because I think people don’t really care If I am. I am planning on telling him that I am bisexual if he ask me. But in the past 3 years of our friendship he never really questioned my gender. Perhaps he knows that I had a girlfriend before so he assumed that I am straight. And I think I act masculine so perhaps he had no clue. I don’t want to tell him out of the blue that I am bisexual so if you could think of any scenario that I can set up to tell him please help me out. Also I would like to say that my feelings for him is fairly recent like only December two months after I got my first computer. I think develop my feelings for him because I see him play games like a real genius but even though he’s so good at every games we play, he never really say anything about how noob I am. He never discriminates me and and he actually want me to join at every games he play. And I think I fell in love with that which I shouldn’t because that’s what’s good friend do right? I don’t know. Please help me.
