Hello, I am a new user on this site therefore this is my first time posting.
Warning: This is a bit of a long post.
Currently, I have been feeling very much confused and afraid of myself, not about my sexual orientation. My mind has been filled with worry regarding my future, my school, and my family. My sisters say that I shouldnβt mind family problems, however, Iβm the type of person that cares too much about others to the point where even if it isnβt my problem I start to become very worried. I am not as headstrong as them and it is so difficult for me to ignore this. There are times where I do forget about these problems but it feels like Iβm cheating, and in the end, the problems come back running to me. Most of the family members actually drag me into their drama either intentionally or not, and it has been messing with my mental health.
Every month since the start of the school year, I experience severe burnout from school work. I feel like my depression is coming back, but Iβm not really sure. Right now, I have about maybe 10 to 20 outputs that need to be worked on but I just donβt have it in me to move, and when I do my mind just doesnβt turn on and I get EASILY distracted.
Iβve passed almost all of my outputs since the 1st, 2nd, and 3rd Semesters, and now I just donβt want to do it anymore. Iβm late on submissions and I have been skipping my online classes. The pressure and anxiety I receive from both my family problems and school problems is suffocating me and it is getting hard for me to breathe. Iβm afraid to speak about my feelings because I donβt want to burden them. I want to take a break from school but then I questioned myself βWhat are you going to do then?β I canβt just sit and lay on my bed all day like a spoiled brat because I would feel extremely guilty. If I try to help my mother with chores, she sometimes insists that I stop and let her handle it.
There are so many emotions mixing inside me and I just want it to stop. I want to go to therapy to sort these emotions out, as well as the negative thoughts and bad memories that have been excessively popping in my mind daily. However, we donβt have the money and my family still has to pay for our tuition, house, necessities, and loans.
I am afraid to fail and repeat. I am afraid to disappoint them. I am afraid of their reactions. I am afraid of what will happen in the future. Right now, it feels like there is no escape route for me to go and I canβt let out all these feelings on my friends since they might be going through something bad as well, and it might affect their mental health too.
There are a lot of things that I want to say but itβs hard to explain.
Thank you for reading, I hope you continue your day with good vibes.
donβt try to explain everything. just say it whatever you want.
itna kon pdhe ab
likho to sahi . kaun padhega nh pdhega isse kya farq prhta hai . tumhari mann ki baat bahar niklni chahiye .