Sharing Our Innermost Thoughts

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βš•οΈDepression

πŸ§‘Anxiety

😰Stress

πŸ’—Relationships

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β€ΊLonelyβ€ΊThought

@rohitbisht

Hello everyone
I just believe that my whole life is a lie
I connect easily with people and I am very extrovert kind of a guy, can befriend some one in a day or in first meeting
But all that seems to be a lie
Whenever I think that person to whom I have befriended or have shared everything on a emotional front, is changed due to any situation, my thought process for him/ her takes a paradigm shift. This may be due to anxiety attack. I get that many a times and for many people with whom I have connected on emotional front.
For this reason, I have started seeing less people. Purposely, lost connection with people who are staying far away. Purposely not starting any of the conversation with any of my friends, not even on whatsapp.
Due to this reason, everyone thought I have been changed. Whenever we meet, they act normally and if somehow we end up in an argument they just says that you have changed a lot. By this, I don’t know I develop negative feeling and my anxiety attack just gets compounded. I don’t know what to do.

Since childhood I am a stammerer. Not the one who will stutter on each and every word. I stutter only on some syllables and sometimes when I am speaking against a crowd. During my childhood times, many people made fun of my problem and many have supported me. But I always thought how to gain respect and equal treatment from everyone. So I developed a habit wherein I am praising everyone everytime and try to help others without any desire of any form of consideration.
But this has backfired me many time. I started developed a thought process wherein I think that if I have done 100 things for a person, he/she will do atleast 10 things for me. If ghat person does not do such, I initially don’t say anything. But whenever we end up in a argument, I say everything in a very bad tone and in a rapid manner and without giving any second thought that the second person has never asked me to do such things for him/ her, I may have done those things suo motu. But such things piles up on me everytime.

Now I am a the peak of such feelings.
Wherein I have to face such awkwardness and arguments with everyone whenever I meet them

It’s not about that anyone is wrong in this situation, it’s about I always end up analysing things and filter that as positive or negative. Every damn thing , every damn action of my friends / gf, I analyse and keep that in mind. It gets piled up and when ever I have a argument with them, it gets blast off.

I lost many of my gfs and friends due to this.
I don’t know how to control my thoughts.
It gets amplify sometimes, then I end up in arguing and crying
No one can say that I cry. Infront of them, I smile a lot
But in person, this nature of mine have put me in a great depression.
I stay alone most of the time since last two years.

I always sought for shortcut for addressing this issue. Shortcuts like:-
1)Blaming myself for all arguments eventhough it was not my fault
2)post fighting/breakup, tell everyone that it was my fault, so that I don’t end up crying infront of them and they also will see this side of mine.
3)not talking to them, and incase of gfs I always done hookup post breakup

I don’t know what to do now.
Things get very serious whenever I get anxiety attack, and it comes at worst time. I can’t able to concentrate on my work front too.

I can do this things-
1) Never talk to anyone who has disrespected me
2) Never talk to anyone who was not there when I begged them to stay
3) Never connect with anyone on emotional front.

I don’t know what to do. I am helpless at the moment and very emotional

🏘
2 replies
🏘
Anonymous
β€’

Your Brain must be exploding with lot of thought right now … Firstly calm down take deep breaths …

@cherylwantstoexpresshers...
β€’

please this is really not your false, you can really expressed you own feelings in front of the intimated relationships. people can be fragile, you don’t have to be strong. it won’t be good for you and your partners when you pile up all stuff inside of brain.
your childhood really affect you so much, people made fun of you because they scared to be the one who being humiliated so they did that to you. This is not related to your own value, being stammerer is not your problem, no one is perfect and this makes you so special.
you need to follow your heart, express your feeling when you are overwhelmed by emotions, tell other how you actually feels. relationships is not healthy when there are full of hiding and lies instead of truth communication and showing flaws.
praising everyone and try to help others is a good habit but you don’t have to take it as a task but something you really want to do when you meet someone you like.

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