Mx Shay @sxkurxchxn
Happy belated valentineās day!
I hope whoeverās reading this had a good valentineās day
Cuz Iām not
Why? because when Valentineās day came I stayed up till 6 am watching a Thai gay drama while cryingā¦ Why? because in the drama A likes B, but all B does is talk about girls
and ik that feeling too wellā¦
When I woke up I continued watching the drama and continued crying
then when I went down to meet my friends, I was really downā¦ I guess they could see that cuz one my friends dragged me and asked me whatās wrong (letās call her āSā) ā¦ She said, āIf you like that person, donāt you respect them? So donāt you think they should know that you like themā then another friend told me we needed to talk (letās call her "Nā) So āNā already knows who I likeā¦ (Who I like is āKā) and that time āKā was with us too. So āNā after hearing "S"s advice asked if I wanted to tell āKā that I like her who is as straight as a poleā¦ and what do you know I ended up telling āKā I like her in the weirdest possible wayā¦ and came homeā¦
And you must be thinking āWell, isnāt that a good thing?ā Well not reallyā¦ because
1) everybody there could see I was sulking the whole time and even quietly shed some tearsā¦ and so could āKā so she asked me why I was so downā¦ I told her āThe person I like is straightā and telling her I like her after expressing how much pain I went throughā¦ is just cruelā¦ but my friendsā weāre practically forcing me to confessā¦
2) I canāt even face her nowā¦ how am I even supposed to look at her or text her like how I used to after thatā¦ She even said she wanted to talk to me but I canāt come anyway since itās my Momās bāday
Iām too afraid to talk to her nowā¦ you know whatās the irony? one year agoā¦ on Valentineās day I confessed to my crush who was a guyā¦ and I had been thinking about doing it for a weekā¦ I was so sure that he liked me backā¦ and he did
But this time itās the complete oppositeā¦ Itās a girl, I didnāt plan anythingā¦ It was really awkwardā¦ and Iām sure that she doesnāt like me back
What is my life? You knowā¦ before Valentineās, I kept listening to the song āItās youā By Ali Gatieā¦ which has the lines
"Please, donāt break my heart.
Donāt tear me apart.
I know how it starts.
Trust me: Iāve been broken before.
Donāt break me again.
I am delicate.
Please, donāt break my heart.
Trust me: Iāve been broken before.
Iāve been broken.
Yeah. I know how it feels
To be open
And then find out your love isnāt real.
Iām still hurting.
Yeah. Iām hurting inside.
Iām so scared to fall in love,
But if itās you then Iāll try."
I related to this so muchā¦ but now I sing it in past tenseā¦
My heartās been broken twiceā¦ and I never wanna fall in love againā¦ I wish I was asexual or had alexithymia
Depression
So I think I have depressionā¦ because I have a lot of the symptomsā¦ (āyesā means I have the symptom)
1) Neglecting friends and hobbies - Yes
2) Changes in sleep patterns - Yes (but because Iām addicted to my laptop)
3) Change in appetite - Yes
4) Low self-esteem - Yes
5) Decrease in Hygiene - Yes
6) Irritability - Yes
7) Flat emotions - Yes
8) Hurting everywhere - Yes
9) Canāt seem to make up mind - Yes
10) Keep me crazy busy -
11) Tearyness - Yes
Teenage Depression (this is a type of depression which is why Iāve listed it separately)
1) Continuous low mood and Sadness - Yes
2) Being irritable or intolerant of others - Yes
3) Showing feelings of helplessness - Yes
4) Increasing social Isolation - Yes ( a little bit)
5) Little to no enjoyment of things I once liked - Yes ( Not that much)
Questions:
1) Should I interact with āKā and if yes, then when?
2) How do I overcome this immense pain that I feel in my heartā¦?
3) What do I do now that I think I have depression?
Sorry if this is too longā¦ I hope I didnāt forget to add anythingā¦ thank you for readingā¦
Thanks for sharing! I relate to many things you described, know that you are not alone.
1. Honestly I think you should talk to her and clear things up. If she is not interested in being anything other than your friend donāt be discouraged, know that there is someone out there that will love you (even if itās not in a romantic way) But also think about loving yourself and working on yourself before you go into a romantic relationship so that when you find the correct person the relationship is healthy and you will be able to love them fully.
2. I canāt tell you how, because I havenāt figured it out yet, but I know that being with people that care about me works for me at times. Also doing stuff I love and sometimes even feeling the pain, crying and trying to understand it also works.
3. I think you should look for support, if that means therapy or even loved ones. Just be careful to choose someone that you trust, cares about you and can actually help (even if itās just listening) Also donāt stop reaching out, dont isolate yourself because I have found it to lead to a dark path.
Mx Shay @sxkurxchxn
Thank you so much for the advice!!!
OK wow thatās a lot. Thatās super brave you telling K!! It really hurts, I know how you feel, but itāll be OK in the end. I think you should definitely talk to K, as soon as possible. Sheāll probably feel bad and want to make sure youāre OK. As for getting over that heartache, as far as I know only time can fix that. Especially the good times, so try to have fun, even if you feel a little down. Do a silly dance, watch a funny video, eat something yummy. And when youāre sad donāt push it away, itāll only build up. So sit and cry when you need to, let it out, even if it feels dramatic. Sometimes when Iām heartbroken I listen to sad songs in the dark, cry as I quietly sing it or dramatically. It helps, like Iām not alone in my pain. Now that you think you have depression you tell your parents and/or your friends. Talk to a doctor to see if you can get medicine or go to a therapist for help. Alternatively, do a lot of googling and testing what makes you feel better. There are online helplines and phone helplines too that you can call if you ever need. And Iāll be here for you. I hope this helps you out!! Have an awesome day <3
Mx Shay @sxkurxchxn
Iām gonna go talk to K today- well, at least try to
And I too like to sit and cry to sad songs it makes me feel better inside
I really want to tell my parents about my depression and seek help but I just never get the chance to
I have told some of my friends about it
Thanks so much for the advice! Idk why but this really made me smile :)
Iām happy it made you happy! Good luck with K, I hope it goes well :D
