Sharing Our Innermost Thoughts

Gosh,
No idea why I’m writing this or why I even searched for something like this but nevertheless I’m doing so… 
I want to be the normal joe soap life married, house, mortgage husband kids. I’ve always craved it. Never wanting to do anything exciting just normal.
Might sound boring to some, but its my boring.
I’ve never had confidence although some would say different and so my choice in men have been somewhat brutal. Although I’ve 2 beautiful children from two idiotic men who will never realise what they’ve lost when they walked away from them.
I feel every time I take a step forward I go 50 back.  33 years old and I still feel like I haven’t grown up. It’s ridiculous. I feel I’m just existing and not  living at the moment.
I live rural not having a car  and relying on my dad so my outings are 2 days a week and maybe one more of I’m extremely lucky. I feel I’m trapped.
I don’t have a car because I fucked up and couldn’t afford it really but kept driving knowing full well I’d ko insurance. I didn’t think of the consequences, I just was surviving.
So no I’ve no car and I feel sometimes if I didn’t have children I’d be gone from this world. 
Here’s hoping I get my boring soon