For some reason I feel alone. I know i have people that care about me like my parents but everyone who i’m friends with i feel like doesn’t care about me. I feel sad a lot because the one person I care about a lot always hurts me. They manipulate me and make me feel horrible. They told me that i always play the victim and i have everyone on my side when in reality i never have anyone to back me up. She always randomly starts fights or makes something up so she can rant. She gets upset and takes it out on me and she admits to it. My heart can’t take it anymore. I talked to a girl about this and she understood me and hugged me and didn’t judge me or think i was lying and for the first time i felt like someone other than my parents cared. It made me so happy but i’m too afraid to text them again because I’m afraid they will get annoyed with me and not be there for me anymore. My other friend betrays me and whenever the first girl is mad at me she is mad at me. I tried to talk to her after the first girl said some horrible things to me that I can’t shake, but she told me if you would have listened to her problems she wouldn’t have said that and made it seem like it was my fault. I’ve lived with it for so long I don’t know what to do. I always put her problems above mine and when I ever have something that hurts me and she has even the littlest bit of inconvenience I put my problem aside and don’t talk about. I can’t tell my parents everything so it’s really hard. One day I couldn’t take it anymore and I poured out to her about my anxiety attacks and the sadness that overwhelms me at times and she didn’t respond. I was embarrassed. She said oh and that’s it. She didn’t try to comfort me or give anything, I felt like I poured my heart and soul unto her and she threw it in the trash. She recently cut herself and I comforted her and helped her, I wish she was there for me like I’m there for her. I wish someone would let me pour everything out to them and not disregard me. I wish there was someone I could talk to other than my parents. I wish I could find someone to tell me everything too without worrying if I’m a bother. I constantly feel betrayal and guilt. I sent her a long text telling her how i feel and she sent one back telling me everything i’m doing wrong and i can’t let it go. It’s eating me up inside and everytime i think about it I shiver. What am I even doing anymore? She’s my cousin so I can’t just cut her off otherwise people will look at me in my family weird or different. She never listens and i tried to change so much and fix everything i was “doing wrong” but it didn’t fix anything. She still acts the same. I prayed about it but i feel like it didn’t fix anything. I’m so lost please help me.
I read the whole thing and the first thing that came to my mind was - ‘Are the even this person’s friend?’. Listen mate, firstly, you have two beautiful who care about you. YOUR PARENTS. Secondly, if you feel like your friendship with the mentioned girls are one sided, back off when you get the chance. You are the only person in this world who knows about your personality, next comes your parents, ad the few friends who have been the longest and closest with you. If you really cared about the girl who cut her hand just make sure that she knows that you are not anyone’s rag-doll to mess with by making you feel guilty. Show her that not everything is your fault. And try to move on from your toxic friends. Trust me, it takes some time( weeks, months, or even years) but when you do, look at yourself and you’ll feel satisfied with your decision .
This how I feel :(
