for a while, i’ve never been able to make myself bleed through self harm
and for a while, it was the reason i was depressed.
allow me to explain
i’ve been dealing with depression since i was about 9, and i got to the point when i was about 10, almost 11, that i wanted to harm myself. this was around the time where i started having a lot of trouble eating, and body dysmorphia (around this time i was also figuring out my sexuality and gender as well).
but i could never get myself to drag a blade across my skin.
i was paranoid my parents would find out, and i knew it would hurt.
but i wanted it to hurt.
needless to say, i resulted into banging my legs against wood to cause bruises, ‘accidentally’ cutting myself against wood on my hands, and starving myself. i’ve lost almost 50 pounds (if i count it going up and down)
but i could never make myself bleed. and it drove me insane.
