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Anonymous

First time here and I don’t know how this works but I’m gonna give it a try.
Let’s start with something easy. I used to be close to my friend let’s name her x. We fought and I was a baby at times but things started getting bad when I got into a relationship in the same class (still going on) . Apparently she bicthed about how I try to make her feel single and show off my relationship. She doesn’t know I’m aware of the bitching. Before hearing this I didnt even know there IS such a thing as showing off a relationship. Relationships have always been about the love to me and not a necessity. X has also tried to taunt me about different things multiple times. She is toxic but I’m bad at leaving people and now that I know what she thinks about me, sometimes even though I want to, I’m not happy for her… ever. But just because she is being a bitch doesn’t mean I feel bad everytime she’s happy right?

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4 replies
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Anonymous

Maybe she feels abandoned since you’re spending less time with her and instead with your s/o? Maybe she’s jealous of you having a relationship? Maybe both? It doesn’t excuse her trying to make you feel bad though, have you tried talking it out with her? I think the best thing to do is try to understand her position, and letting her understand how the things she’s been saying have been affecting you. if you have done so already and she still doesn’t listen/acknowledge your position/change her attitude/etc. afterwards, you should probably save your time and energy and move on. Hope you can work something out with your friend <3

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Anonymous

You’re a very rational thinker and I appreciate it. Thanks for the advice. But I never stopped giving her time… I told her every single thing about us and trust me the most my man and I did was hold hands in public. We do not like pda. She was also close friends with him. Now they rarely talk bec of going to diff unis.
If you have time here is some backstory. (Skip yo last para if you don’t)
The thing is I cannot directly tell her that I know since it might break off our group as one girl who I know has no reason to lie about this told me. However I have asked her why she never appreciates anything I do and has never supported my talent .(say singing)Once even said my group’s video was reposted by a page because my mentor PAID them and how the page had “dm for paid promotions” and even though she apologized later when I pointed how pathetic it was…I didn’t understand how anybody could say that to another person… she was supposed to be my best friend. Now she herself is dating and they kind of never stop touching each other to the point that they make everyone in the group feel uncomfortable. She even "stole my thunder"on my BIRTHDAY and was constantly away from the group cuddling with her guy. I cried till 4am after my ‘birthday party’.
Sometimes I feel like maybe she is not showing off and the fact that she thought I did makes ME view her relationship with jealousy. I want to overcome it but it’s hard when someone constantly puts you down then calls you their bestfriend .

@aaaaaa

I see. From what you’ve told me, it seems like she’s a very insecure person that is trying to seek validation by making you feel uncomfortable/trying to get revenge for how you made her feel (or something of the sort). She doesn’t want to see you happy, because she herself is not happy.
I agree that what she is doing is genuinely toxic and you don’t deserve nor is it your responsibility to take the brunt of her own problems. You probably don’t want anything to do with her anymore, and understandably so. I still think it might be a good thing to talk to her about it, even if you don’t have any intent to preserve the friendship, but that’s your choice. If you need advice on how to break off a friendship, I suggest being direct and honest with her; tell her it’s hard for you to maintain this relationship, tell her you need space, tell her to stop contacting you, etc.
As for the thing regarding confrontation, maybe you can just talk about her attitude and behavior in a more general context or other specific incidents that you’re more comfortable with talking about? Whatever you decide to do, I hope it goes well for you! <3

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Anonymous

Thank you. Yes unlike all of my close friends she is never happy for me. She finds a way to make me feel less every chance she gets. Imight not break off the friendship in one go but slowly distance myself. Because I’m sure she will find a way to gaslight and make ME feel worse…and I don’t want to go there as it’ll take a lot of time for me to recover and light affect my attitude towards everyone . people genuinely don’t understand the difference between sorting out and blaming. But I loved your advice. It helped a lot and I mean it. Thank you so so much.

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