Love

my life is going so down.

Depression

Daro mat bolo👀jo bolna he bol hi do. Kya hi hoga agar bol diya toh.
The guy

3am Thoughts

Too much pride tsk. 

Life

Anyone up for a convo

I have fallen for my friend. We are friends since long time. He is clear that there is no future of us together. I am unable to move on now. I text him daily and I feel good after talking to him. I am in complicated relationship with my boyfriend too. 

Relationships

What is pain to you ? What do you think about pain ? 

Lonely , not well loved . 

Adulting

Ok, so this is my first time doing anything like this. I'm desperate for answers and do not have the money to seek professional help. Not one to beat around the bush, so the essential problems I have are about happiness, life goals, and general relationship understanding. Lets start with happiness, I have no idea what that means. I know what I've been told it should be and I know sadness, anger, jealousy, ect... but I'm over 30 and I cant remember a time when I ever felt the way that happiness is described or even coming close. Its the same with love, I know what I've seen and heard. I've did the things and made the moves, gotten married and divorced, had a kid even. I desire affection and a partner, and I believe I try to show them affection (compliments, gifts, listening to their day and problems, giving advice, showing interest in their likes and hobbies) but I feel emotionally dead on the positive spectrum. As for life goals, I really don't have any. I don't feel a drive to do anything or a passion to pursue. I assume the ideal goal is to have a decent amount of money with a house and a job that you do what you love. I've try to research about how to find your passion and the only answers I get and very vague responses that fall in the realm of try everything till something sticks, but with no starting point or way to to do with out spending large amounts of money. When it comes to relationships, I fail horribly. I'm usually a socially awkward guy with a lot of trust issues due to the high number of times I've been screwed over or cheated on, lied too, ect... I've heard people describe me as weird, odd, and the word "ewww" has been used more than I can count. People everywhere say if your sad or lonely, go talk to a friend. What if you have no friends? and I'm not exaggerating here, the closest thing I've had to a friend was a person I worked with. They would ramble on about their day and ask for help and I would listen and help, or bring them something, or bail them out. But then one day, I was was feeling sadder than usual, just had to walk by a group of people that made me their target for entertainment. The "friend" felt to the need to ask what was wrong, and so I started to tell them. Only to be cut off mid way because I was not being "chipper" enough and was bringing the mood down. I stopped talking to them and things were silent for months. Then randomly got a facebook message asking for money. Its always been like this, I feel like I'm always a tool to be used and tossed. I'm sick and tired of hearing "things will get better" or "stay positive". I even tried to make and active change and be positive, even if it was a fake feeling. I went to work and asked if people need help, tried to make small talk about pointless things involving work, found someone fishing for complements. So I gave them one. Told them they" looked nice today", a week later I was in HR being asked all kinds of questions about harassment. I left there and have started a new job since were I mostly keep to myself and talk to no one I don't have to. I understand this is a long post, I'm trying to get it all out at once so as not to waste anyone time with multiple post, but I'm running out of options and darker and darker thoughts keep finding their way into my head. I've been isolated from most people for about 3 years now, and I'm starting scare myself... any advice will be apricated.

Sharing Our Innermost Thoughts