Sharing Our Innermost Thoughts

Feeling confused and frustrated

I was in relationship for 7 years and I was so blind that I did not even question him what a normal girl will do … I sacrificed my happiness and i did things which made him happy even if it did not make me happy and I built him up in his career and lifted him in his life we both studied same college and worked in same company then got separated and worked in different companies… All of a sudden my life turned upside down my father met with an accident and passed away … my world totally crumbled and I am the one who took the responsibility of my family … before that incident I usually don’t mingle with anyone and I had small circle the man I loved only one person was there in it after that incident I came to face the reality and looked after home and family … I could not handle all these and I had lot of mood swings emotional breakdown and I will vent it out all to the one I loved ., sometimes he will console me and sometimes he will give me time duration and tell me to get over my father so I stopped telling how I felt that time without my father ,… no matter how much I vented out the voidness I felt without my father i felt like the pain was not getting better … then after facing society and all I started questioning him for whatever he does and said him I feel guilty as my father pass away he does know about our relationship, but what if he watches us from above and feels “my daughter is in love with a guy “ and I also explained him from there we both had problems … as my father was a government servant I was forced to take over my fathers job and I had three friends among that one I used to call as brother who helped me in that govt sector cause I don’t even know .1% about govt sector … even I shared everything with him to whom I speak their names about the government etc … … and suddenly one fine day I looked dull and worried and the one I used to call as brother asked me what happened? Why face so dull ? And explained everything to him ? He advised me and asked how could you be like this ? I have not seen a girl like you … why did not you question him for things he did , u haven’t asked him any question like a normal girl will do … why is that everytime when fight happens only you go down to speak with him and not him ? I thought of everything that happened so far and started to ask him questions about what happened in all those 7 years and the conversation grew and we broke up 4 months back … later that month the one I used to call as brother his mother liked me a lot approached me in getting married to his son and I told them no I saw him as only brother and I had no feelings for him … even everyone around us sees us as brother and sister only … she said you both are not born together… u both understand each other well … u both know whatever that happened in your life and u both will be happier and I can be at peace … in the middle before this confession of his mom happened a friend of him talked to me like he had feelings for him he did say anything directly and I did not say anything to him but I had a little bit of feelings for him (his friend )…the one I used to call as brother after his mom’s confession he (the one I call a brother ) started to show extreme affection and he was ready to accept anything that I do and will do whatever for me … and I already liked him for the way he’d treat me like nobody in this entire world had treats me ,… then after his over pouring love and affection I slowly caught feelings for him I don’t if that feeling is true or not , cause I have not come out completely from the past relationship I had becoz I don’t know somewhere I still feel that he will also suffer like me … is he missing me ,? Will he come back ? Cause I check him on insta sometimes his post is neutral and sometimes it is like still I am on his heart … but why is he not talking to me ? …
now I feel guilty and trapped and could not take any decision … first I have this confusion about my past relationship and longing if he would comeback … second the friend who talked to me like he had feelings and I felt it genuine, third the one I used to call as brother he takes care of me like nobody else did … now if I accept the second or third . Either of them … I am so much worried that any one of them will separate… because they both are close friends and I should not be the reason for their separation… at first place I am thinking a lot of had made mistake in breaking up with him (the one i was in relationship) I don’t know what to do 😞