ek arsa ho gaya tumhe dekhe bina, milne aaoge kya?
pareshaa man me ek sach khatakta hai, agar kahu to sun paoge kya?
kahi chehre ki hasi gira di hai mene, aate waqt khareed laoge kya?
soya nahi me ek sukoon ki neend, aake mujhe sulaoge kya

ek arsa ho gaya tumhe dekhe bina.........

imbecile 

Yeah i am all okay. Just feel like writing so i do. 

3am Thoughts

How to ignore someone like he didn't even exist. I can't stop sharing memes and talk to him... 


Love

Promise

I got for you the mystical blue colour from the night sky.. mixed it with the bright rays of sunrise .. to craft for you that silky sky blue shade that you love to dress in

I write your name on the flowing stream.. and the stream dances with joy..as it passes the farms of your village home ..

I whisper your name to the cool breeze passing by ..knowing that one day it will touch your careless flowing hair..

.. oblivious to the magic i send your way..you wondered why the water of the stream haunts you of an unfound love when you sit on that old rock ..dipping your soft feet in the cool water of the bubbling stream

Oblivious to the rythm of my breath ..you are surprised by the embrace of the playful breeze as it passes by.. having kissed you on your spotless skin..

.. but you never came to know I existed.. you never had an idea of me.. and so you never gave me a name .. neither did my love got any recognition from you.. 

.. and perhaps that's why ..I continued to remain anonymous.. an enigma.. a longing .. for you O dweller of the golden vast-lands..

But I promise I will come for you one day.. i will take you to my land of mythical highlands.. 
you will stay by my side my queen .. for you will not find a better lover than me .. from the depths of salt laden oceans to the heights of the seven heavens..


I keep on regretting for the time I have wasted and I feel very worried and anxious 

Anxiety

I'm feeling incredibly sad most of the time these days. I'll explain why and I'll start at the very beginning. I went on an exchange for 6 months from August until February and met the most amazing people. I've bonded with most of them and they feel as close as family. I've been back quite a while and I was doing fine with not being with them. Now we went on a 16 day vacation with a few people, one of them being the crush I had. I lost most of my feelings in the time of not seeing this person. When I saw him on the vacation, my feelings were all back immediately. I decided it would be best not to say anything, not to ruin our friendship, just like I had done before. After a few days I felt like he returned the same feelings, so I told him about mine. He told me he reciprocated these feelings. He was very specific about not wanting a relationship though. He still has to process some stuff that has happened in the past and doesn't want to build a relationship on him not feeling up to that. I understood. We still cuddled every day for 7 days straight. One day we even kissed very passionately and he had to stop, because he was getting a little bit too excited and he didn't want to take it further to lead me on. Even though he was very clear telling me he didn't want a relationship, I'm stilling having problems now with accepting that. He has multiple times talked about how he sees out future and that when we do get together eventually what he would do and how that would work with us living in different countries, etc. It makes me so confused about what he wants from me. He tells me he wants me to move on and not think about him like that and that I should have someone else if I would want to, but on the other hand I feel like there is this expectation he has where whenever he figures out his life and the trouble in his past I will be there waiting for him. And if that is what he wants, me waiting for him, I'm fine with that. But now I don't know and that makes me more confused and more sad. But I feel like I should know, because he has said multiple times he wants me to move on and that there is not really space in his life for me now. 

Things that also confuse me is while we were cuddling, him saying things like: "for now, you are mine and only mine." And I know he meant I was his for only that week, but that fucks with my mind. I'm not sure whether I should talk about it with him and explain that even though he told me he doesn't want a relationship I still have expectations, because of things like this that he said. 

Breakup

Okay, she talked to me. But it was different, she was different.
I think I have lost her. she is so broken that she won't be able to forgive me.

I am feeling ache in my heart. I wish I could have change things. Remove bad memory of us. I asked her for the very last chance but I think she wont be able to forgive me. I want us together. I want her to trust me.

But it seems that my dream is going to end. I will wake and one day she will be gone from life and all I will be left with memories and regret. 

मन में है राधे को कान्हा जो बसाए
तो कान्हा काहे को उसे ना बताए?
प्रेम की अपनी अलग बोली, अलग भासा है
बात नैनों से हो, कान्हा की यही आसा है

The lyricist knew that opening up about your feelings is not even easier for himself the lord!!

I am just sliding between two things
Either feeling numb or feeling anxious 
I want to live a life 😞😔

After I tried to kill myself my parents never trusted me. I understand why but my mom doesn't realize she's the main reason why I don't want to be on this earth anymore, she makes me hate life, I hate her

Sharing Our Innermost Thoughts