During the Covid, I faced a huge loss in my self-funded startup. The company that I have put so much effort into was falling apart and it was unbearable. Every dime and time and energy that I put in was all lost in a month of lockdown. My business partner who promised to support me with my business was busy with her family and stopped receiving my calls. I stopped getting new businesses soon enough as she was looking after sales and me after operations. Being in business, I had only 2 or 3 friends, who were unable to get what I was going through and used to tell me “Everything would be fine.” which made me more furious inside. Every people I looked up to, every mentor, turned their back suddenly when I stopped paying them due to no sales or stopped doing free chores for them. I couldn’t let my employees suffer during the pandemic so I had to pay them their salary from my own pocket, till I went broke and had to let them go. I didn’t want them to suffer as they had a family to feed. It’s been a year and now I am in debt and due rent, I have no partners and surprisingly I have no friends either because I give them sad vibes. No girlfriend to share my sorrows because accepting someone so boring and unsuccessful like me is a myth. Every people I approach partners with, wants me to pay them some money upfront even though I offered them a good margin when business gets better. It’s been a year now, there has been lockdown back to back, and I am unable to network with any new client. I am in debt and broke, I am unable to share with my parents either as they are dependent on me and look up to me, also because my family has its own problems to worry about, I am their last hope, I guess. I am still looking for partners, trying to get new businesses also trying for some possible jobs. I don’t want to shut down the company as I am good at what I do and I love it so much.
But, I am angry, with myself for not being able to think new ideas, upon my past decisions, upon being an introvert, for being so unlikeable. I feel stupid and have gone so fucking weak, deep inside. I feel cheated, betrayed, used, and stabbed in back. My mind doesn’t even work any further.
Even though what you’re going through feels unique to you, it isn’t:
“What has been is what will be,
And what has been done will be done again;
There is nothing new under the sun.” -Ecclesiastes 1:9
This means that others have gone through the exact same thing you have -or worse- and have come out on the other. You can too.
After all, you’ve survived 100% of your worst days :)
