Duniya me aadhe problem to " Ghar wale nhi manenge" ke karan hy aur baki ke adhe problem humare gusse, attitude or so called ego ke karan. 
Yar ek he to zindagi hy use bekar ke emotions ke chakkar me kyu barbad karna. Aur rahe bat GHAR WALE NHI MANENGE to yar ek bar Ghar walo se himmat dikha kr bat karke to dekho, kya pta man jaye. Aur agr nhi mante hy to khud ka stand khud lena sikho. 
 
" BUDHAPE ME REGRET KARNE SE BEHTER HY AVI AAPNE DECISIONS KE LIYE STAND LENA"

Now&Me Thinks

Tired to everything going around.
It feels like I am in a ocean, cannot move around, trapped, or may be I don't want to move to live.
Its confusing, its tiring. 
Theres no ray of hope, its just darknes everywhere I see.

Panic Disorder

i’ve been eating more these past few days, i feel more fat and disgusting.
ima starve for 6days straight b4 winter break is over and we all go back to school, if i mess up and eat, ima have to cut.

Eating Disorder

Can I find good friends over here ? 

3am Thoughts

Something is going on in my life. One option is to take matters into my own hands and just do it. The second is to leave things as they are and let the destiny play it’s role. 
If it’s meant to be it would happen. 
I am torn apart about this.
Don’t know what to do.!!

Conflict

The saddest way of feeling lonely is by being around people.

Lonely

Ok ok ok ok ok I know I’ve been dissing social media for a while now.But someone whom I’ve had a crush on for 4 years has just followed me back on Instagram. And chances are he might unfollow me but I don’t care.
I will screenshot that every second of every hour till he unfollows me. Every second guys.
Every single second and someday I will marry that boy. 

Relationships

The doctor who lived in room next to me , she had been asking for holiday for last two days as her father was sick but ..she finally got off from covid duties and same day she got a call that her father passed away. Her father had liver disease and covid. She called me I went to her room and I hugged her. She first stood still and then began shaking so bad and cried so badly that I got teared up and began crying with her. It's very very painful and she was Screaming "BEING A DOCTOR I COULDN'T SAVE MY OWN DAD",  she said that she couldn't even see him once.... and to be honest most people don't realise this but yes we sacrifice so much for our duties. This is just one example. Yet news of assault on doctors like it happened in Assam recently breaks our morale. My all family got positive last year in first wave.and I was here doing covid duties. I was dead worried and yet I didn't get a day off. I was told to find a replacement first which I couldn't get. Then I would only instruct my dad on phone about what to do. And when my covid duty finally ended my dad had already recovered. I missed my nephew's first birthday. On my own 26th birthday last year I was doing night duty and my friends got a cake and I cut that in ward and distributed rest to patients admitted. 
I just feel like people of this country should visit government hospitals if they haven't already and see how we work . It's hard. I don't want any praise or be like you guys are hero.
No I don't want that!
I just want .. ALL MY FELLOW INDIANS to ask more part of GDP to be spent on healthcare.
More money to be spent on better infrastructure for hospitals.
In covid duty one of my patients fever won't go down. So I thought about changing antibiotic. The antibiotic he was on was ceftriaxone and sulbactam , I tried changing it to piptaz the nurse said piptaz is not available(NA) , I asked for clindamycin again NA , I asked for meropenam she said doctor only ceftriaxone is there. Nothing else. I felt so helpless. I kne meropenam two vials come for 800 rs so I asked the patients husband to buy it from outside he came after 30minites saying it's being sold for 5000 outside. So after my shift u drove to medical shop and asked for it and he gave it to me for 800 and then I got so mad at him and I said if I send my patients family members here don't you charge extra! 
Then finally meropenam was available at third floor icu not at my floor so I would send a ward boy to steal it from there for my patients.
Doctors in india go beyong limits for their patients it's not just me. Especially resident doctors in government hospitals. We don't like to be called godS but just please if you see a doctor getting assaulted step in , save them before it's too late. ! Many are planning to leave India and settle abroad and trust me without doctors and health care india would be nothing but gobar and gaumutra. 


COVID-19

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