Don't know what to do .... feel easy to end life than living in this pain #pain


I been in a relationship... he married recently.. he asked me to give him time. But I made a scenario due to my insecurities and his wife now knew about us.

He said he won't talk to me

Both are me as site dint allow to verify email and few times password issues... I don't know how 2 id's I got 

Why don't you start with a bit background?-What caused the breakup/marriage? how long were you in the relationship? What do you do(Career wise)? What are your goals(apart from love if any)? What scenario you made and what future you were expecting post his marriage?

Panic Disorder

i think im the problem

Other

Sometimes it feels very bad, that I've Chest fat .. I'll have a good chest one day ☹️☹️

Frustration

I have been on the crisis line twice today￼

Depression

Since pre-teen I think I've been experiencing what is called "emotional crisis" and this shit always fucks me up. I don't know if that's what I've, but everytime I feel panic and overwhelmed emotions in class I can't breathe and I cry in front of my classmates and I HATE it. Since the first time I feel so judged, I feel like people are thinking bad things about me bc I have these and God I wish I didn't have them. I don't want people to think I'm dramatizing or trying to victimize myself but I really really really can't control it.
No one have ever said a word about it, but I feel like teachers and friends hate me when I do this in front of everyone lmao I hate all of these thoughts it only makes me insecure and ashamed of having feelings

Mental Health

Why am i so addicted to this app😐 bcz i have no one else to talk to? I have been coming to this app every now and then like my life depends on it.😕

3am Thoughts

Um, me and my guy broke up bcz of our studies tho but ngl we used to fight and it has been almost a month.. since we had a break up we were friends tho but he was like “you don’t love me” but it wasn’t like that i mean i told him that i broke up w him for my studies but i also told him i loved him alot even tho he had a crush on me and i too.. but he was like “no you don’t” and was like “how am I supposed to know you love me?” Like i can do anything for him but its not like a specific thing i can do, LITERALLY ANYTHING, but he was like “like what” and i was like love doesn’t needs to prove right? But he was like “no you don’t love me” idk if that was kinda toxic or something but um he was swearing alot and that hurted me, and i blocked him on social medias n blocked his number.. kinda miss him but at the same time it reminds me how he used to talked to me that hurts me so bad, it just makes my feelings less for him.. and idk if i did right.. i mean fr i still love him, and used to imagine my future w him but i think i did wrong by blocking him but at the same time he was like “fuck off” so that hurted me so idk whether i did right or not by blocking him.. </3

Breakup

At 20 or 21 age
You should know what you really want to do ?

Anxiety

Don't know what's going on 
Just overthinking a lot 
I use to talk with someone regularly and we were become preety  close to eachother
But after big silence i don't know how to talk with her 
And some other problems too 

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