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Anonymous

Do u guys know how pathetic arranged marriage system is? Not in every case though but not all people fall in love after getting married, i got married in 2018 and i haven’t fell in love. My husband is a really good person but I do not feel connected or attracted towards him. Obviously our sex life sucks. I literally started thinking that what if I’m asexual? But no, I am not. I had to take help of therapist and so far no improvement. I always have sex because i feel bad for my husband, he is sweet person and i dont wanna hurt him. I can’t even share this with my parents. They are super strict and probably disown me if I ever think about divorce. It sucks that I still need to live like this because " log kya kahenge?" There are lot of people out there who are living like this and don’t have courage to come forward and take a stand for themselves. I really hope it will change in future.

Profile picture for Now&Me member @helpinhand
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9 replies
@ghost6

Duniya ka sabse bada rog, kya kahenge 4 log. 🤦🏽‍♂️

Profile picture for Now&Me member @helpinhand
@helpinhand

Yes. It sucks to the core. Maybe you should visualise the positive points of your husband in your head again and again.

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Anonymous

I’m doing the same since then but don’t u think love should feel or happen naturally, u can’t force yourself to feel for someone or make it happen somehow

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Anonymous

Hey I understand that you are going through tough times.I just really wanna say without disrespecting any of your ideals that there are two things you can do
1)Start doing something new, something for yourself.A passion or a hobby or even work.If you really think that a divorce is out of question then try to find your happy place somewhere other than your husband.I think when you start deriving your well being from your own system of hobbies or whateve you wanna do ,you will start expecting very less of happiness from your husband .The level of discomfort will decrease.
2)You have one life to live and your parents have too.Maybe they will take some harsh step when you think about separation but how long can you be like this.Its this only one life .So sometimes thinking just about yourself and being so called selfish isn’t bad.Society is ruthless and may treat you bad but end of the day ,you have to spend every moment of your life regretting if you don’t take the decision now

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Anonymous

I totally get both the points. I am doing my master’s so mostly I’m occupied and you are right, it really keeps me away from all those thoughts and sadness. Especially my husband is very supportive and practical, i think he thinks the same about separation. If i brought this topic up, I know he will be there to support me

@devamrithu

Omg this was the same content now i thought of posting… btw lady mines love marriage… i felt my love towards him fading… we have two kids under 3 years in our 4 years of relationship. I felt I’m asexual too but i love when im turned in proper way like intimacy… probably i felt my physical relationship is different after both kids…but i just need his emotional support… why is it like that? I feel that I’m hurting him a lot… i show my negative neglecting attitude whenever he is around me… he started to hate my changes. we even brokeup so hard to an extend yesterday night… but our kids saved us… i can’t cope with my mental pressure… if you have any idea abt my probm plz help me.

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Anonymous

I started thinking about asexuality because i never liked having sex or even the concept of it. I never get turned on like NEVER. But my therapist solved that confusion. You will get plenty of stuff online about asexuality and its types. As far as I know you need to go for therapy sessions. Talk to the therapist alone for few sessions and then u can involve your husband once you are comfortable. My therapist gave me few exercises(mostly related to kamsutra books, watching porn, reading erotica books, using dildo…which i dont like bt i wanted to give chance to this marriage so i tried doing so and got turned on, it proved that I’m not asexual) and honestly that worked for a while but now I’m back to square one. It’s like whenever i watch or read all that stuff then only i get turned on. About your issue, it totally happens after long time of marriage, people start to lose interest in marriage or in partner. It’s very normal. Couple therapy works like wonder. I strongly recommend you should go for that.

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