I feel ashamed of myself, where I reached today, having negativity in me, can’t get out of my head, having negative vibes, I don’t deserve anything right? I am dumb, don’t know anything, what should I do then? If I am not understanding anything, what can I do? It is my problem that I am not understanding myself, I can’t change myself, can’t help myself. The problem is me. I tried and am trying no, but again get back to past self or worse, how much I need to hold on, how do I live like this. okay fine living till now no so should live like this now on too. Coz no one cares, ofc. I don’t know why even I exist… This mind isn’t supporting me, I am stressed but still doing nothing about that, lost all my energies, will, motivation.
Only thing that is good is I was so so strong holding on within from years that no one knows all this haha. Walking alone in the college canteen is easy? with all the social anxiety and loneliness. Sitting alone in the lectures around the people having fun, talking, enjoying. I never gave up. But now I don’t know how will I walk in there, when I talk to no one, how will it be, there is a meeting tomorrow, everyone there talk to each other, it’s just me who don’t have anyone to talk, gonna be a big big big task for me to face them and answer toooo
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