Death is all I think about
At the end of the day I wonder how it would be if I was dead. 
Nothing. 
Nothing happening anymore..it makes me happy

I do but it always ultimately leads to death....

😂😂 
I’d ask what is it about death 
But I won’t 
I have to sleep😂 I don’t want to think about me dying

After dying, you won’t be able to think at all. 
So why not think about something else?

you can do this, i may just be some random person on this site but i’m proud of you for even still being here. it’s tough but one day i know you will get out of this because you are strong and amazing and i hope you start to get better. you’re amazing, keep going

3am Thoughts

Let's try this again #day1

Addiction

I f@#*ing don't know what am I doing in life...it's so fucked up...anyone up?

 beauty of life is on the other side of the difficulties. 

Hi so here's my story my life's became a mess my mom got divorce when I was young. I was raised by her.we live with my aunt and uncle in our grandfather's house.my life was quite well until I turned 16 this year. I'm depressed about my height and weight. All of my friends are taller than me. My bestfriend is good at studies, good looking, just perfect. I'm just a zero infront of everyone. Because of this I'm unable to focus on my studies. When I want to study I become lazy and spend my whole day on bed. I'm in tenth now. I should be studying but I'm unable to focus. I just feel that everything I'm doing is wrong or I'm just zero infront of anyone. Sometimes  when I study I get thoughts. I start overthinking. I'm unable to understand what I should do. I have my boards in a month and I didn't even start my syllabus. I'm just thinking about my friends like how they are and how I am. A zero infront of them.I just don't know what to do. Please help me 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 of them. 

Career

When I tell people about my breakup, and how much it hurts. Everyone says it's his loss that he lost someone who loves him this much.
But what if it isn't true?? What if it isn't hia loss only mine because I'm not able to love anyone like I love him


I wish there was a sleep button for life and world where I could just take a nap and nothing would change 

Overthinking

Here goes my story . Me and my ex meet last year . We clicked instantly fast forward fell in love hard but here comes the twist she was due married after 6 months . 

She got married and I suffer the whole thing alone congratulations.

Again twist she came back we were halfy together for a while then she flipped and almost left for sake of less complication that were with me .
Said doesn't love me enough .
Begged here to stay , she did . I got drunk and jealous and blurred it out to her and fast forwarded we were back to each other .
Now basically I am suffering everyday 
She is someone's wife now and there is a whole another person in my palce

I in such a State that I can't leave her . I tried with all I had bur couldn't . Now I silently suffer everyday . Sometimes we get a so Little of someone and we have to stay Happy in that. 
Had intense panic and annxiety for 4 months . I am addiction to her . She doesn't have the courage to fight for me so yeah I love someone who is coward.
Also She couldn't come out to her parents . There is a lot of hurt and pain given by her but I forgive it all . Its the story of me and my mess.

I am losing her slowly everyday and only I know what I went through the day what I feel rage ,anger , jealousy, lonely , alone , afraid and scared. But when i see her its all worth it . I am just giving and giving in hope one day there will be none left . I tried to see someone else but I couldn't feel anything . I don't how I carry on with this circumstances but leave life happens . 

Most probably in few months her marriage will start working and I will be kicked out . The feeling of a side piece will come true . That's what I deserve in the end.

My grandmother had breast cancer and for those of you who dont know breast cancer has a genetic basis. That means that since my grandmother had it, I'm more at risk to have it too. I have to get checked every couple of months and I'm honestly pretty scared everytime I go to the doctor because my mind always assumes the worst.

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