Sharing Our Innermost Thoughts

Dear Anonymous,
Aaj phirse mai bhot hi akela feel kar rahi hu. Phirse aisa lag raha hai jaise mai apni ke saare close logo ko kho rahi hu. And that feeling is so so scary. Iss akele pan ke vajh se mera kuch bhi karne ka mann nahi kar raha, kisi se bhi baat karne ka mann nahi kar raha, even kisi bhi chiz me focus nahi ho raha 😭😭. Abhi neha se baat kar rahi thi toh usse baat karne ko hi nahi mil raha tha usse ab vo pehle jaisi friendship hi nahi rahi. Maine dheere dheere karke apni life se sabko jaate hue dekh rahi hu.
Dear Anonymous please btao ki mere saath humesha aisa kyu hota hai mai life me jisko bhi itna chahti hu vo humesha durr kyu chale jaate hai? Kya mai achi insaan nahi hu kya? Kya mai bhot hi boring insaan hu kya? I feel these things most of the time. I feel like I’m a very ugliest person jiske saath koi nahi rahena chahta😭😭. Why???
Mere saath humesha aisa kyu hota hai ki har koi kuch time ke baad mujhse bhot durr ho jaata hai? Maine bhot baar apni life me notice kiya hai maine apni jisko bhi apna friend bnaya hai vo sirf chote time tak hi saath raha hai uske baad ptani kyu baat hona vo friendship sab khatam ho jaati hai. Mujhe bhot darr lagta hai ab logo se friendship karne me ki kahi vo bhi durr na chale jaaye.
Dear Anonymous tumhe pta hai mai jab depression me thi na pehle uske peeche ek reason akelapan tha. Maine har baar apni life me akela feel kiya hai. Logo ko khud se bhot durr jaate hue dekha hai. I know ki humesha aapke saath koi bhi nahi rahe sakta hai I know, but mera dil jo hai vo ye baat maanta hi nahi hai, maine bhot baar try kiya hai ki mujhe logo se attachment na rakhu, apne aapse pyaar karu apne ke zada kareeb rahu but vo chiz kabhi ho hi nahi paati hai. I mean khud ke kareeb bhi mai kuch waqt ke liye hi rahe paati hu uske baad phirse vohi akela pan shuru ho jaata hai jo mujhe bhot hi under hi under khaata raheta hai. Mann karta kisi se sab share karne ka but kisse karu ye smjh me nahi aata. Jinse mai dil khol kar baat share kar paati thi vo log bhi ab dheere dheere durr ho rahe hai.
Or kuch logo se mai khud hi duri bna kar rakhna chah rahi hu vo iss vajh se jisse vo log bhi mujhse durr na ho jaaye.
Dear Anonymous tumhe pta hai mai aisi insaan nahi jisko mai apne pass zabardasti rok ke rakhu kyuki mujhe pta hai ki jab koi aapko kisi bandhan me zabardasti baandh ke rakhna chahta ho toh kaisa feel hota hai. I know that feeling very well. Toh mai aisa kabhi nahi karti har kisi ko uski space deke rakhti hu. But phir bhi vo insaan mujhse durr ho jaata hai.